Archive for the ‘Museums’ Category

It’s Not You, It’s Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to friends: They broke up… He was only in the relationship for the free Nike gear anyway.

–Stone St.

Overheard by: Jen

Hipster dude: So Jane* is coming to the studio tonight to do some recording. Should I have her do it and then break up with her, or break up with her first and then have her do it?

–F Train

Overheard by: dianora

13-year-old girl on cell: What? You broke up with him? That’s so cruel! Um, can I date him?

–Thompson Street, The Village

Excited teen girl: This would be a great place to break up with some people!

–8th St Park

Girl on cell: They broke up? I always thought that them breaking up was like a joke, like saying you don’t like Brussels sprouts when you secretly do, but you just say it because it’s the first yucky vegetable that comes to your mind. But hey, that’s great!

–Outside the Frick Museum

Overheard by: A. Pincus

Guy, yelling from third story fire escape: Sarah! Sarah Whitlock! Don’t leave me! She meant nothing to me! Come back… Please! (pause) Okay, but I’m keeping the deposit!

–E 4th Street

Overheard by: Nima Shirazi

Wednesday One Liners Lie about Their Size

Loud guy: I can turn my dick into a Whopper with fries!

–MacDougal Ale House

Overheard by: Ladle

Small Indian boy: Penis! Penis! [His mother scolds him in Hindi.] … Penis!

–47th & 5th

10-year-old boy to friends: … And then he drew, like, three penises! And then I had to get home in, like, three and a half seconds!

–11th & 3rd

Overheard by: Hannah

Suit to another: Jesus Christ! It’s not my fault your penis drips!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sydney

Dude to friend: Let’s think of words that rhyme with ‘dick.’

–49th & 7th

Pre-med chick: We had this cadaver in lab that we called ‘Schlongo’ because his penis was a foot long. No, seriously, it was really a foot long!

–Bodies Exhibit

Overheard by: a.j.w.

Aren’t There Some Giant Human-Hair Tapestries, or Something?

Four-year-old girl looking at photos depicting rape victims: Daddy, what are they doing in these pictures?
Father: Um, the women got really tired and decided to take a nap.
Seven-year-old boy: Why is there blood between their legs?
Mother, hurrying everyone to next piece: Look, breasts!

–Global Feminisms exhibit, Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: office peon loved the exhibit

Spinach and the Insane

Nut: The original voice of Popeye was Allen Swift.
Patron: Allen Swift, huh?
Nut: You don’t believe me.
Patron: No, I’m just, um, impressed that you know so much about Popeye. –Museum of Television and Radio

Wednesday Buy-One-Get-One-Freeliners

Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!

–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum

Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Emily Faxon

Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Canadian Girl

Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!

–Macy's, 7th Ave

Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.

–10th St & University

Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.

–62nd & 3rd