Archive for the ‘Musicians’ Category

Like Snowflakes, No Two Wednesday One-Liners Are Identical

Loud chick to male companion: And she sings when she orgasms! Like, "a-a-a-a-aaaah!" and "e-e-e-e-eeeeeee!"

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Man outside Starbucks: Dude! I gave Sharon an orgasm over the phone last night. (laughs)

–Starbucks, 14th St

Overheard by: Elizabel

Subway musician: Y'all better be good 'cause Santa Claus only comes once a year. But that's between him and Mrs. Claus.

–W 4th St Subway Platform

Young man on cell: It looks like a 42-inch orgasm.

–Posman Books, Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: ant

Hot chick to another: You're like the Mother Teresa of orgasms!

–1020 Bar, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chuck Bass

Wednesday H1N1-Liners

Sick girl: I probably don't have swine flu…but I was in Brooklyn last night.

–90th St & Lexington

Overheard by: UESider

Woman on cell: What's with this pig virus thing going around? It's killing people in Mexico, Europe, here in Queens… (pause) Do that many people eat bacon?

–55th & Madison

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

High school student, watching overheated and smoking car: What the fuck is this shit?! Dat nigga's muffler got dat swine flu!

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Ben

Hipster guy on cell: Oh, your enthusiasm is just like the swine flu!

–22nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: BL

Amateur rapper, walking down street: If you got the swine flu, bitch, stay outta my hood! Cause the sun it is shinin' and I'm feelin' so good.

–188th St & Washington Ave

Hipster guy: Abby is a total germophobe. She was like, "what have you eaten lately?" and I was like, "a raw pig from Mexico. Is that bad?"

–76th St & 3rd Ave

Wednesday One-Linernotes

Man handing out his CD: Scuze me, you like authentic Latino music? (woman flinches)
I ain't gonna bite you. Neither is the CD. Unless you're bitten with the sweet beat of salsa.

–2 Train

Older guy to younger date: So last night, right, I was a little drunker than I wanted to be and I was listening to those Beethoven and Mozart symphonies to, you know, really try to hear the difference between them…

–Uptown A Train

Woman walking out of a Chekhov play: Ugh! That was like taking a Tchaikovsky and playing it as if it were a Beeeeeethoven.

–Theatre District

Overheard by: Greer Feick

Happy older musician: I'm playing at the memorial concert for Ricky B*. Johnny T* was going to do it, but he died. I'm the go-to replacement when someone scheduled to play at a tribute concert dies.

–19th & 7th

Overheard by: tycho anomaly

Man on cell: Did you get the tickets? (pause) Eighty dollars to see a green bitch sing!?

–Chineese Restaurant, Columbus Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Make Beautiful Music Together

20-something girl: I feel sorta guilty for illegally downloading "We Are the World." What's that Haiti number? I should text them some money to clear my conscience.

–LIRR

Middle aged guy to female colleague: It's really good and all, but it's only after listening to the lyrics that I got a little worried. I mean all she kept saying was "I want your disease, I want your disease." What is that?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Kishan

FedEx guy: I'm looking for Phil Harmonic. He needs to sign for this.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center Plaza

Overheard by: Rob

Loud Angelina Jolie wannabe watching band: I love this band, their music is like making love… Am I right?

–Terminal 5

Overheard by: Dani Cakes

Guy with guitar to naive teens: Yeah, music is the only way we can fight our oppressive, totalitarian government.

–City College

Overheard by: Stephen

Wednesday One-Liners Still Miss the Crocodile Hunter

Girl on iPhone: It's not like he's gone and, y'know, rescuing cheetahs…

–Astoria

Lone hobo: Thanks, god… for goats, people and buses.

–Manhattan Bridge

Woman on phone: Hi, honey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It's 30% off, right?

–Lincoln Center

Subway drummer: This next one is called "moose call." it goes, "yo, moose!" (pause) Hey, I didn't write it, I just made it popular.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: Media addict

French man: It's like doing a horse. Kick him in the ass and he will kick you right back.

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday Does One-Liners Like It's His Job

Woman on cell: Ugh, no I can't. I've been at work, I'm totally wasted.

–Outside Penn Station

Whiny American Apparel employee to new recruit: You're not allowed to chew gum on the floor, you can't wear UGGs to work… You have to be 100% American Apparel.

–Downtown F Train

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Subway musician to dude walking by with guitar on his back: Get a real job! (pause) I always wanted to say that to someone.

–S Train

Female suit to make suit: So, is your work still sticky like mine?

–Port Authority

Overheard by: quiet commuter