Archive for the ‘Musicians’ Category

Wednesday Sung Liners

Metalhead, playing guitar and singing: Buy some fuckin' poptarts /buy some fuckin' weed/ buy some fuckin' cigarettes/buy everything you need! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: j Singing hobo pushing cart: I am wiiiise. I am wise! –Union Square Station Overly flamboyant gay guy, singing: I kissed a girl and I liked iiiit. (swishes hips while walking) –11th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Mal Sullivan Singing gay guy to another, clapping hands in rhythm: You look like a cunt, you act like a cunt, you smell like a cunt, you feel like a cunt… –2 Train Overheard by: drew Hobo, getting into train and taking out electric guitar and amp: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please! This song is for the white lady with the orange pocketbook. She reminds me of Martha Stewart…when she got out of jail. (starts singing) 3 train white lady is my girl, my girl, my girl! –Downtown 3 Train Overheard by: Jingles Little girl in stroller, singing happily: Doe, a deer, a hee-hale deer. Ray, a drop of golden pee-pee… –E Train

Wednesday One-Liner Swap

Lady on cell: She must have been humiliated by the parade of wives! –Broadway & 72nd Man to friend: Whenever I want to fuck my wife, she doesn't want to. But when I can't, she always wants to. I think she does it out of spite. –12th St (Elton John's Rocketman playing on radio) "I miss the Earth so much… I miss my wife…"
Barista: You don't miss your wife, Elton. You're gay! –Small Coffee Shop, SoHo Midget handing out fliers: Who likes comedy? (to man in striped shirt) Hey, do you like comedy? I like striped shirts, let's work something out here!
(man keeps walking)
Midget, yelling after him: No wonder your wife doesn't love you! –Union Square Subway 30-something guy: Dude, that's so rude. Plus, she's going to be your wife soon, so you've got to stop calling her that. –Hell's Kitchen

Are You Afraid of Wednesday One-Liners?

FDNY lieutenant to EMTs: Hey, get this! Some guy just called 911 because some guy looked scary! –34th & 10th Overheard by: guy in back of ambulance Gay guy to another: I'm terrified of successful women! –23rd & Park Ave Overheard by: Moy (guy with drums finishes a performance in the train)
Guy with drums: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. Help a brother out and donate some money if you enjoyed this performance. (lady in front of him looks scared)
Please donate and if you don't know what to do or are scared, smile and nod. Everything will be okay. –E Train Overheard by: Sleepy Crazy bag lady to high school boy: I ain't scared of you. I'll beat you with a crowbar. Cuz I gotta crowbar in my pussy and it's way up there! –B54 Bus Suit on cell: And I was scared, right? Because her legs were open in the cemetery. –Gramercy Park

“This One Time, at Wednesday One-Liner Camp…”

Angry man on cell: He was a porn star, not a pianist. –Outside Fairway, 72nd St Goth chick on cell: We're inside. Yeah, she's playing "Creep" on a ukulele. No, I'm serious! –Spiegelworld Art student: I did some acid and they made me play with a guitar, but it felt like plastic and it sounded like cheese! –Pratt Institute Tall drummer girl: This is why I love you guys. When the drumline goes on break, they're like, "let's play some more!" When you guys go on break, you're like, "let's explore each others' bodies!" –Pathmark Overheard by: Another band geek 30-something African American woman: Mmm-hmm. He playin' her ass like a violin! –Port Authority Bus Terminal Overheard by: KTizzle

Getting Educated (A NYC Short Story)

Two black guys get onto the train with congo drums and play. Drums guy #1: Yo, thanks y’all for listenin’. We hope you can donate something to our cause to support our music. Let me tell y’all something…I’m gonna teach you something you ain’t gonna get from no college, from no book, from no studyin’, from no professor…you could have all the money and richness in the world, but if you have compassion, then you are the richest person in the world. You gotta have compassion for your fellow human beings–man, everything is relative–and once you realize that, then you understand compassion!…See, this gentleman here, he didn’t like our music and that’s cool. You didn’t like it, did you sir?
Suit: Actually, I did.
Drums guy #1: Aw, man! You shouldn’t have said that! That makes it worse that you don’t wanna help support our music! You don’t understand what it’s like out here.
Suit: Yes, I do. I’m a musician too. We’re all trying to make it.
Drums guy #1: Man! How can you say that? We like brothers, man. We connected. You know…you like my brother and you don’t wanna help a brother out…That’s rude…It’s like if you get a band and you got all your instruments and like, the curtain goes up, and you conducting them and shit, and you tell them to play and then there’s no sound! Man, we connected; don’t you know what that means?
Suit: It means I have a college degree and you don’t. –1 train Overheard by: Mikey

Like Snowflakes, No Two Wednesday One-Liners Are Identical

Loud chick to male companion: And she sings when she orgasms! Like, "a-a-a-a-aaaah!" and "e-e-e-e-eeeeeee!" –Downtown 1 Train Overheard by: Ladle Man outside Starbucks: Dude! I gave Sharon an orgasm over the phone last night. (laughs) –Starbucks, 14th St Overheard by: Elizabel Subway musician: Y'all better be good 'cause Santa Claus only comes once a year. But that's between him and Mrs. Claus. –W 4th St Subway Platform Young man on cell: It looks like a 42-inch orgasm. –Posman Books, Grand Central Terminal Overheard by: ant Hot chick to another: You're like the Mother Teresa of orgasms! –1020 Bar, 110th & Broadway Overheard by: Chuck Bass

Wednesday H1N1-Liners

Sick girl: I probably don't have swine flu…but I was in Brooklyn last night. –90th St & Lexington Overheard by: UESider Woman on cell: What's with this pig virus thing going around? It's killing people in Mexico, Europe, here in Queens… (pause) Do that many people eat bacon? –55th & Madison Overheard by: Jesus Jon High school student, watching overheated and smoking car: What the fuck is this shit?! Dat nigga's muffler got dat swine flu! –M86 Bus Overheard by: Ben Hipster guy on cell: Oh, your enthusiasm is just like the swine flu! –22nd St & Broadway Overheard by: BL Amateur rapper, walking down street: If you got the swine flu, bitch, stay outta my hood! Cause the sun it is shinin' and I'm feelin' so good. –188th St & Washington Ave Hipster guy: Abby is a total germophobe. She was like, "what have you eaten lately?" and I was like, "a raw pig from Mexico. Is that bad?" –76th St & 3rd Ave

Wednesday One-Linernotes

Man handing out his CD: Scuze me, you like authentic Latino music? (woman flinches)
I ain't gonna bite you. Neither is the CD. Unless you're bitten with the sweet beat of salsa. –2 Train Older guy to younger date: So last night, right, I was a little drunker than I wanted to be and I was listening to those Beethoven and Mozart symphonies to, you know, really try to hear the difference between them… –Uptown A Train Woman walking out of a Chekhov play: Ugh! That was like taking a Tchaikovsky and playing it as if it were a Beeeeeethoven. –Theatre District Overheard by: Greer Feick Happy older musician: I'm playing at the memorial concert for Ricky B*. Johnny T* was going to do it, but he died. I'm the go-to replacement when someone scheduled to play at a tribute concert dies. –19th & 7th Overheard by: tycho anomaly Man on cell: Did you get the tickets? (pause) Eighty dollars to see a green bitch sing!? –Chineese Restaurant, Columbus Ave