Archive for the ‘Musicians’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Still Miss the Crocodile Hunter

Girl on iPhone: It's not like he's gone and, y'know, rescuing cheetahs…

–Astoria

Lone hobo: Thanks, god… for goats, people and buses.

–Manhattan Bridge

Woman on phone: Hi, honey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It's 30% off, right?

–Lincoln Center

Subway drummer: This next one is called "moose call." it goes, "yo, moose!" (pause) Hey, I didn't write it, I just made it popular.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: Media addict

French man: It's like doing a horse. Kick him in the ass and he will kick you right back.

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday Does One-Liners Like It's His Job

Woman on cell: Ugh, no I can't. I've been at work, I'm totally wasted.

–Outside Penn Station

Whiny American Apparel employee to new recruit: You're not allowed to chew gum on the floor, you can't wear UGGs to work… You have to be 100% American Apparel.

–Downtown F Train

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Subway musician to dude walking by with guitar on his back: Get a real job! (pause) I always wanted to say that to someone.

–S Train

Female suit to make suit: So, is your work still sticky like mine?

–Port Authority

Overheard by: quiet commuter

In New York, Even a Compliment Can Get You Beaten Up

Doo-wop busker: Hey man, anyone ever tell you that you look just like Wynton Marsalis?
Black guy who does actually look like Wynton Marsalis: Who?
White woman: Oh! Yeah, he does!
Doo-wop busker: Yeah, am I right? Wynton Marsalis, in the flesh.
Black guy: I don't even know who that is.
Doo-wop busker: Jazz trumpet, man. Genius.
White woman: He's a wonderful musician. You should look him up!
Black guy: Uh, sure. What was the name again?
Doo-wop busker: Wyn-ton. Mar-sa-lis. They ever make a movie of his life, you got it made.

–R Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Wednesday Sung Liners

Metalhead, playing guitar and singing: Buy some fuckin' poptarts /buy some fuckin' weed/ buy some fuckin' cigarettes/buy everything you need!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: j

Singing hobo pushing cart: I am wiiiise. I am wise!

–Union Square Station

Overly flamboyant gay guy, singing: I kissed a girl and I liked iiiit. (swishes hips while walking)

–11th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Mal Sullivan

Singing gay guy to another, clapping hands in rhythm: You look like a cunt, you act like a cunt, you smell like a cunt, you feel like a cunt…

–2 Train

Overheard by: drew

Hobo, getting into train and taking out electric guitar and amp: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please! This song is for the white lady with the orange pocketbook. She reminds me of Martha Stewart…when she got out of jail. (starts singing) 3 train white lady is my girl, my girl, my girl!

–Downtown 3 Train

Overheard by: Jingles

Little girl in stroller, singing happily: Doe, a deer, a hee-hale deer. Ray, a drop of golden pee-pee…

–E Train

Wednesday Undie-Liners

Guy: Oh, man! It is not a good day to be my underwear!

–Wine Store, 75th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Raven

10-year-old to little brother: Hey! C'mere! You wanna play Captain Underpants?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: dogboy

Guy on cell: I'm not paying her to smell your underwear!

–57th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lagsalot

Loud older gentleman watching people at subway entrance: They don't wear brassieres anymore!

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Zombie Boyfriend

Older lady in funeral procession behind bag piper wearing kilt: I looked. He's wearing underpants.

–120th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liner Swap

Lady on cell: She must have been humiliated by the parade of wives!

–Broadway & 72nd

Man to friend: Whenever I want to fuck my wife, she doesn't want to. But when I can't, she always wants to. I think she does it out of spite.

–12th St

(Elton John's Rocketman playing on radio) "I miss the Earth so much… I miss my wife…"
Barista
: You don't miss your wife, Elton. You're gay!


–Small Coffee Shop, SoHo

Midget handing out fliers: Who likes comedy? (to man in striped shirt) Hey, do you like comedy? I like striped shirts, let's work something out here!
(man keeps walking)
Midget, yelling after him
: No wonder your wife doesn't love you!


–Union Square Subway

30-something guy: Dude, that's so rude. Plus, she's going to be your wife soon, so you've got to stop calling her that.

–Hell's Kitchen