Archive for the ‘Musicians’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Call It “Direct Marketing”

Guy selling city maps, singing to beat of nearby music: Who needs a map? Who needs a map? It's not a trap! –Central Park Ghetto guy selling knockoff perfumes on street: Don't ask me where I got em' from, just get em' before the police come. I got DKNY, my mami J.Lo… Get em' folks! Get em' –23rd & 6th Overheard by: Alli Street vendor to customer examining knockoff purses: Hurry it up. I need money. –Madison & 59th St Overheard by: Jennifer Wannabe hip hop artist: Y'all like hip hop? Please look at my CDs. Miss, you have a beautiful forehead. Please buy my CD. –Times Square Guy handing out fliers: Hey! You guys like vagina? –Times Square Overheard by: Brett

I Think I Saw This Short at the Cannes Film Festival

Blue collar guy to random guy holding a musical instrument: I wish I had a harpsichord. I'd put on an old fashioned movie and play it in the dark. You wouldn't even need a drink!
Musical guy: A drink wouldn't hurt.
Blue collar guy: No, it wouldn't. (takes a bottle of rum out of his pocket and takes a swig) –N Train Overheard by: Pretending to listen to her music

Janie Got a Wednesday One-Liner

Voice over employee's walkie-talkie: Okay, I really need those guns. Anyone who has one, I need it down in bridal. –Bed Bath & Beyond Obnoxious woman: So I said, "motherfucker, I'm not your sister–I'm your cousin. So I will shoot you." –Uptown 2 Train Large black man: If you ain't got no bullets, you gotsta melee! –23rd St b/w 5th & 6th Overheard by: Zach Wannabe hip-hopper, trying to sell CD: It's clean music, and I ain't never shot no one! –Union Square 20-something guy on cell: They got no right to bring up that gun charge, it's over ten years old! –19th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Emily Davidson Dude, after chatting to policewoman: I just have a thing for women in uniform! My mind says, "no, no, settle down," and my penis says, "but she's got a gun!" –Hudson & Laight

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: You know I can't come over, I'm a daddy now! I have a dog! He needs me 24/7. I can't leave his sight, not even for a second! I'm just out for a moment to buy him some food, but other than that… –Crosstown Bus Souvenir seller: Get your doggy diary! Get your puppy program! Get your beagle bible! Get your bulldog blog! –Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden Man at payphone: They tried to catch the hero dog, but he ran away. –107 & West End Overheard by: kdub Half tone-deaf guy with guitar, singing: I'll marry you for your Green card, but I'll sleep with your sister cause she's prettier than you. She's 75 years old, never been touched by a man, let alone a dog… –1 Train Overheard by: CreateEvity Man leaning out of car, to man walking Schnauzer: Excuse me…that's a Marmaduke? –3rd Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Jeff S. Woman on cell: If I don't get a dog soon I'm totally going to get pregnant. –Wall Street

Have You Ever Considered Modeling, Wednesday One-Liner?

Man walking in to immigration center to immigration security guard: You look very elegant today. –Immigration Application Support Center, Queens Lady: Oh my gosh, Casey looks so good! You would never know that he's blind! –W 20th St & 9th Ave Overheard by: Katie AK Slightly tipsy elderly suit: Do you know where I can find a beautiful woman? Someone to spend the rest of my life with? –Metropolitan Museum Info Desk A Capella group leader, walking into train: Ladies and gentlemen, happy Thursday. We are a Doo Whop group and we are here to entertain you. If you like what you hear, show us some love. If you are miserable, hell, add more fiber to your diet. This Sunday, we will be saluting the best-looking people on the subway. Have a fiberrific day! –6 Train Overheard by: Em Allears Ghetto black chick after someone took a picture of her: Did you get all the beautifulness? –Saks Fifth Avenue Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy