Archive for the ‘Names’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners: “Is This Thing On?”

PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front.

–Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th

Overheard by: Rebecca

Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o'clock!

–Baggage Claim, JFK

Overheard by: Kimmie

Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully-cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They're hot! They're fresh! And they were alive this morning!

–Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Stacy

Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I'm sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they're about to tow your truck.

–Stuyvesant High School

Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean "flag football" will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory.

–East Side Community High School

Non-Recyclable Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Please throw away your newspapers and garbage in the trash cans on station platforms and know that the trash cans can only hold two human bodies at a time.

–LIRR

New York Post guy: New York Post! Free New York Post! (hands huge stack of papers to passerby) Thanks, brother. Just throw the rest in the trash can down the block.

–40th & 6th

Carriage driver to horse: You see that chestnut? That's called "Eurotrash."

–Central Park South

Overheard by: Andy

Giant old man to screaming and jumping children: You look like Garbage Pail Kids. Stop it.

–Madison & Nostrand, Brooklyn

Overheard by: g

Conductor: Please place anyone who has become garbage en route in the appropriate receptacle.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jess

Woman walking down the street with a small bag of garbage: Fuck it. (drops bag of garbage nonchalantly, keeps walking)

–W 19th

It’s All About the Edjamins

Girl #1 on cell: So I freaked out as soon as I saw Ethan and… And… What’s his name, Bill?
Girl #2: Ben.
Girl #1 on cell: And Ted.
Girl #2: Ben
Girl #1: Ed.
Girl #2: Ben!
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: Ben!
Girl #1 on cell: Well, Henry.

–5th Ave & 16th

Overheard by: in love with jack

Wednesday One-Liners with Two Percent Body Fat

Hipster girl to another: Yeah, everyone has a crush on him, but he’s got halitosis. And a concave chest!

–MoMA

Hipster chick to friend: Whoa. I just felt totally suffocated by capitalist society.

–NYU

Hipster in rainbow moonboots: So I say to this girl as I’m roofie-ing her juice box…

–Union Square

Overheard by: eliza

Hipster chick on cell: Hello? Hey! Guess what? I found my underwear!

–1st Ave

Overheard by: Aria Grillo

Hipster: I mean, you can’t just rock a sombrero and think that it’s cool.

–6th & 10th

Overheard by: El

Hipster chick to tourist friends: … And across the street is where Albert Greenberg lived for a while.

–E 2nd St, across street from Allen Ginsberg’s former walkup

Overheard by: midtown_strangler

Hipster chick: I wanna create a website: Nine-Eleven — get over it.

–4 train

Overheard by: Hurtz donit

Shut Up, T!

Old lady: My grandson Brad and his Jewish wife had a baby.
Old man: That’s very nice. And they’re all doing well?
Old lady: I guess.
Old man: What is the baby’s name?
Old lady: I don’t know. Some long Jewish name.
Teenager: They named her ‘Amy,’ Grandma. Her name is Amy.

–M42 bus