Woman on cell: Yeah, the kitty pushes the others around. He’s a real tyrant… Uh-huh. Guess what she named him: Osama. –Central Park
Girl #1: Will you stop staring up at the buildings? You look like a terrorist.
Girl #2: Uh…
Girl #1: Tourist. I mean tourist. –53rd & 6th
Airport security: Sir, we’ve been informed that you are carrying a firearm aboard this plane.
Flight attendant: I overheard him say he was going to disassemble his firearm!
Suit: FLY ROD! Disassemble my FLY ROD!
Flight attendant: Oh. Whoops. –Jet Blue plane, JFK
Old mom: 9/11 was 3 years ago, wasn’t it?
Aging daughter: No, 9/11 happened 5 years ago.
Old mom: Really?
Aging daughter: Yeah… but I wish it was 3 years ago, ’cause that would mean I’d be younger. –E train Overheard by: Sierra Smith
Girl: Like, my grandmother got stabbed with an ice pick by her brother. And then they were estranged for years. –Bobst Library, Washington Square South
Cop #1: When I’m fucking a cunt, I like to hurt it. You like to hurt a cunt when you’re fucking it?
Cop #2: Yeah. What do I give a fuck? It ain’t my cunt. –Police Plaza Overheard by: Steve Bookocki
Guy: Did you see that woman? She looked at us like she’d never seen a black man before. –NYU College of Dentistry elevator, East 24th Street
Dowager: Today was the first day I took a Celebrex since the pogo stick thing. –Park & 60th Overheard by: Frank Laser
Cop: How do you say “dog” in Spanish?
Starbucks guy: Perro.
Cop: Okay. How do you say “dog” in Mexican?
Starbucks guy: Usted es un idiota. –Starbucks, 47th & 5th
Girl: Hey, where’s my bag? Why hasn’t my bag come through the machine? My other one did; did you have to rescan it or something?
TSA guy: Oh, don’t worry. that’s because we’re keeping it in a 350 degree oven to get it warm and fluffy and then we’re going to toast it to a nice golden brown.
Girl: What? –JFK Overheard by: bre