Archive for the ‘Nerds’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Really Bug Me

Geek speedwalking through rush-hour crowd with hands over head: Parasites, parasites, parasites! –34th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: it is what it is African-American lady: The secret life of… What? Who's "bees"? –Loews Kips Bay Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman Woman: I'm a fruit fly. That's like a fag hag, only prettier. –3rd & St. Mark's Female suit on cell: We're dealing with racist ladybugs here. –44th & Lexington Overheard by: LP421

Wow, A Real Life Superhero

Comic book guy: As soon as I get on the train I felt someone reach over and start mussing my hair. And without even looking up I said to myself, “Yup, that’s Lou”. He was going on the stairs–he was going to transfer for the N–and there were all these people yelling, “Oh my god! Someone got pushed into the tracks!” So he goes, “Well, looks like I’m taking the Q!” –Midtown Comics (east)

Wednesday One-Liners for Black History Month

Russian woman to Russian friend: I want to see Notorious because it's about black people. –Regal Cinema, 13th & Broadway High school boy: Hey, look–a black kid! –B1 Bus Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman Black guy: Don't worry, its alright! I'm not that black! I haven't mugged anybody in two weeks, and I love all white people under six feet tall! –Time Square Overheard by: Jennie Middle-aged black woman, to no one in particular: That George W. Bush! He walks like an arrogant black man! –Queens Overheard by: BigFatTiger Nerdy Jewish guy: I don't know what went wrong. I should be a black girl by now! –Queens College

What's “Wednesday One-Liner,” Anyway?

Earnest sidewalk pollster: Sir? Have you got a minute to talk about the sanitation department? Do you think it's normal? –51st St & Lexington Overheard by: jake-e Conductor, bending down before fainted man: C'mon! Dude! What did I tell you before? Get up and sit down and pass out in the seat like regular normal people. People think you're dead. Get up. –Uptown 6 Train Overheard by: I guess not a normal person Girl, during History of Islam class: Miracles show us what's normal and what's, like, super above normal. –Hunter College Woman, bending down to adjust child: You have to walk normally now–like a normal person. –Museum of Natural History Nerd guy to friend: It wouldn't be child labor. You just hook them up to electrodes, connect them to the the power grid, and have them play on the playground like normal! –Shuttle to Times Square

Does a Threesome With Twins Break the Wednesday One-Liner Taboo?

Suit to another: He was just lucky not to be fucking someone in his family! –Trump Building Overheard by: Guess I'm lucky too Gamer on headset: Dude, you are not listening to me. You can't hear me. You know why? Because you have no ears. You're the product of two retarded cousins fucking each other. –Queens Girl: He looks like my uncle… the one I'm really attracted to. –Governors Island ferry Overheard by: boring Male passerby: I wouldn't fuck my family, but… –4th Ave & 11th St Overheard by: Jessica British professor wearing bow tie: It's fascinating just how exciting incest is! –Silver Center, NYU

Don't Read Too Much Into These Wednesday One-Liners

Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover. –York & 72nd Overheard by: fance Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book! –Borders Bookstore, Midtown Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step. –Train, Penn Station Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg? –Stuyvesant High School Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up! –1st & 7th Overheard by: Phyllis Dean

Wednesday One-Linerbation

Big old lady yelling at MTA employee: Of course they're not coming! They're too busy fucking! Masturbating! Eating donuts! –53rd & Lexington Subway Station Girl to friend: Oh my god, he does things to me that make masturbation seem like bland oatmeal! –14th & 3rd Overheard by: TheOneThatGotAway Teen to friend: Seriously, if I was a guy for a day, all I'd do is piss standing up and masturbate. –Queens Center Food Court Guy on cell: Dude, if I didn't jerk off a couple times a day I'm pretty sure I'd be a serial rapist. –Penn Station Short nerdy businessman to another: I didn't know I was going out with her when I beat off. –15th St & 9th St Overheard by: Spicoli Blond scruffy short man on headset: Do you really think girls would go for that? You think a girl would, for a chance to win $500, watch me masturbate? –R Train

Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom. –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: V Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents! –Pathmark, Massapequa Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead? Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults. –Columbia University Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not. –Columbia University Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun." –Grand Central Overheard by: galgal

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle and Snort

Nerdy serious white guy: See, that's what's great about going to Afghanistan. I'm no good at talking to women. –N Train Overheard by: annearchist Nerd walking into archaeology class from noisy hallway: Do you hear the roman legion? –Hunter College Nerdy guy on cell: Yeah, she's an exhibitionist. She needs to be punished, but who's going to do it? –JCPenny Geeky Korean kid outside high school: I'm not really bad. I'm, like, medium-bad. You know, like, bad… But still good. –Flushing, Queens Overheard by: Samantha Nerd to another: Your entire belief system is based on the rotundity of Darth Vader… That is a farce. –Columbia University Overheard by: Nicole