Comic book guy: As soon as I get on the train I felt someone reach over and start mussing my hair. And without even looking up I said to myself, “Yup, that’s Lou”. He was going on the stairs–he was going to transfer for the N–and there were all these people yelling, “Oh my god! Someone got pushed into the tracks!” So he goes, “Well, looks like I’m taking the Q!” –Midtown Comics (east)
Russian woman to Russian friend: I want to see Notorious because it's about black people.
–Regal Cinema, 13th & Broadway
High school boy: Hey, look–a black kid!
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Black guy: Don't worry, its alright! I'm not that black! I haven't mugged anybody in two weeks, and I love all white people under six feet tall!
Overheard by: Jennie
Middle-aged black woman, to no one in particular: That George W. Bush! He walks like an arrogant black man!
Overheard by: BigFatTiger
Nerdy Jewish guy: I don't know what went wrong. I should be a black girl by now!
Earnest sidewalk pollster: Sir? Have you got a minute to talk about the sanitation department? Do you think it's normal?
–51st St & Lexington
Overheard by: jake-e
Conductor, bending down before fainted man: C'mon! Dude! What did I tell you before? Get up and sit down and pass out in the seat like regular normal people. People think you're dead. Get up.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: I guess not a normal person
Girl, during History of Islam class: Miracles show us what's normal and what's, like, super above normal.
Woman, bending down to adjust child: You have to walk normally now–like a normal person.
–Museum of Natural History
Nerd guy to friend: It wouldn't be child labor. You just hook them up to electrodes, connect them to the the power grid, and have them play on the playground like normal!
–Shuttle to Times Square
Suit to another: He was just lucky not to be fucking someone in his family!
Overheard by: Guess I'm lucky too
Gamer on headset: Dude, you are not listening to me. You can't hear me. You know why? Because you have no ears. You're the product of two retarded cousins fucking each other.
Girl: He looks like my uncle… the one I'm really attracted to.
–Governors Island ferry
Overheard by: boring
Male passerby: I wouldn't fuck my family, but…
–4th Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Jessica
British professor wearing bow tie: It's fascinating just how exciting incest is!
–Silver Center, NYU
Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover.
–York & 72nd
Overheard by: fance
Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book!
–Borders Bookstore, Midtown
Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step.
–Train, Penn Station
Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg?
–Stuyvesant High School
Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up!
–1st & 7th
Overheard by: Phyllis Dean
Big old lady yelling at MTA employee: Of course they're not coming! They're too busy fucking! Masturbating! Eating donuts!
–53rd & Lexington Subway Station
Girl to friend: Oh my god, he does things to me that make masturbation seem like bland oatmeal!
–14th & 3rd
Overheard by: TheOneThatGotAway
Teen to friend: Seriously, if I was a guy for a day, all I'd do is piss standing up and masturbate.
–Queens Center Food Court
Guy on cell: Dude, if I didn't jerk off a couple times a day I'm pretty sure I'd be a serial rapist.
Short nerdy businessman to another: I didn't know I was going out with her when I beat off.
–15th St & 9th St
Overheard by: Spicoli
Blond scruffy short man on headset: Do you really think girls would go for that? You think a girl would, for a chance to win $500, watch me masturbate?
Nerdy hipster guy: So that simplifies to 400-350, which is…?
Clearly hungover girl: Unnngggggg, a hundred?
Very effeminate black friend: Damn, girl, whatever happened to you? Never go full retard!
Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom.
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: V
Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents!
Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead?
Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults.
Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not.
Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun."
Overheard by: galgal
Nerdy serious white guy: See, that's what's great about going to Afghanistan. I'm no good at talking to women.
Overheard by: annearchist
Nerd walking into archaeology class from noisy hallway: Do you hear the roman legion?
Nerdy guy on cell: Yeah, she's an exhibitionist. She needs to be punished, but who's going to do it?
Geeky Korean kid outside high school: I'm not really bad. I'm, like, medium-bad. You know, like, bad… But still good.
Overheard by: Samantha
Nerd to another: Your entire belief system is based on the rotundity of Darth Vader… That is a farce.
Overheard by: Nicole
Twelve-year-old nerd: Yeah, man, you know what I'm a do this weekend?
Friend: What, homo?
Twelve-year-old nerd: I'm a get drunk, cause I can.
Friend: Then what?
Twelve-year-old nerd: Then I'm a get hot chicks to show me their boobs on MySpace.
Overheard by: amii.