Archive for the ‘Nerds’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Didn't Mean It Like That

Mother to two-year old son: Zachary, I am not continuing this discussion with you all day long! If you don't like what's in your mouth, just spit it out!

–Dunkin' Donuts

Nerdy Jewish Barnard girl on cell: I can just imagine it in my mouth, the taste of it.

–116th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sully

Young boy running with soaked t-shirt: I need to be squirted! Somebody has to squirt me!

–89th St

Father to young daughter: Want me to squirt it in your mouth?

–Astoria

Overheard by: Mark

Foxy Fox news producer to another: I know you wanted something hard, so I slipped you Shively!

–Starbucks

You'd Think It Was Another Country

Teen geek #1: I need a passport.
Teen geek #2: What for? You don't go to other countries.
Teen geek #1: I went to Canada!
Teen geek #2: Canada?! Canada doesn't count!
Teen geek #1: Canada totally counts! If you go to the French part, they speak French and stuff.

–F Train

Overheard by: jayloo who burst out laughing

Does a Threesome With Twins Break the Wednesday One-Liner Taboo?

Suit to another: He was just lucky not to be fucking someone in his family!

–Trump Building

Overheard by: Guess I'm lucky too

Gamer on headset: Dude, you are not listening to me. You can't hear me. You know why? Because you have no ears. You're the product of two retarded cousins fucking each other.

–Queens

Girl: He looks like my uncle… the one I'm really attracted to.

–Governors Island ferry

Overheard by: boring

Male passerby: I wouldn't fuck my family, but…

–4th Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: Jessica

British professor wearing bow tie: It's fascinating just how exciting incest is!

–Silver Center, NYU

Wednesday One-Liners Need to Be Consoled

Tech guy: It would suck to be a cow, then you couldn't play Street Fighter.

–Marymount Manhattan College

Blond girl, regarding Egyptian artifacts: This is just like a video game!

–The Met

Overheard by: Rachael and Ben

Mindless dude playing PSP: Damn! Why is this bitch calling me? (answers cell) What do you want, you made me stop my game! (pause) My game as in "my video game," psh! (pause) Shit, if I had any game I wouldn't be with a bitch that looks like you, now what do you want?

–A Train

Overheard by: token white chick

Ghetto kids, as 95-year-old Chinese lady walks into moving traffic: Damn, she think she playing Frogger!

–Chinatown

Friend to friend: I wonder how Super Mario Bros will influence my decision?

–Houston St & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liner Repeats Itself

History geek: You laugh, but where would you be without the 18th century? The 20th century, not the 21st, that's where.

–New York Historical Society

Overheard by: Emily B.

Little boy looking at book about Presidents: I see John F. Kennedy, and I see Abraham Lincoln, and I see… what's his name? Hilary's wife?

–BookCourt, Brooklyn

20-something girl: There's this guy in my class who's like an Indian. But, I keep reading these things about how we were so horrible to the Indians and how there are none left, so where did he come from? Like, if there are none left, where did he come from?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Beth!

Woman to daughter: You know what Henry VIII ruled with? He ruled with his dick!

–Penn Station

Teenage girl on cell, yelling: Victorian era lesbians! Not Edwardian! Lesbians weren't nearly hot enough in the Edwardian era! Yeah, we should probably watch it together.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: I really hope it's porn

Wednesday Two-Faced Liners

Fat naked guy on cell in NYSC locker room: I'm just leaving the bank now.

–New York Sports Club

Girl on cell: Hello? Oh, hi mom. Yeah, yeah, it's really early here. Yeah, it's about two in the morning. Yeah, the Eiffel tower was beautiful. Yeah, right to the top. And then we had crepes, yeah.

–Columbia University

Guy at urinal: I'm walking toward baggage claim, where are you?

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Next urinal

Tweenybopper on phone: Hey, Xander? We're at my house. My mom says you and Corey can't come over. Sorry!

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Grumpy old man, walking alone, on cell: I can't! I've got my grandson with me!
(pause) Bitch, why would I lie to you? (pause) Okay, love you too.

–Harlem

Wednesday's One-Liners Sell Themselves

Teenage nerd: My boss and my dealer have the same name. One time I called my boss asking for weed, and he was like "hey!" and I was like "yo, lemme cop" and he was like "I think you have the wrong number" and I hung up.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: joy

Yuppie 30-something in black coat and white scarf: I'm going crazy! I've got his dealer's number programmed into my phone, but I can't remember her name, so if I call, I won't know who to ask for. And you have to know who to ask for, or they'll think you're a cop!

–16th St & 7th Ave

Loud, mildly intoxicated girl at dinner: People who litter are so much worse than drug dealers.

–Brooklyn

Lady on cell: Tourism is the only industry that doesn't depend on drug cartels.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Diaz

…Get Thee to a Punnery!

Nerdy guy #1: That dude is a total fag, anyway!
Nerdy girl: Uh, you can't call people fags…
Nerdy guy #2: Yeah! From now on, let's use “fog”.
Nerdy girl: That guy is such a fog?
Nerdy guy #1: Yeah… He will be mist.
(20 seconds later)
Nerdy girl
: Wait! Missed? Mist? My god…


–NYU