Archive for the ‘News’ Category

But There's Just One Where I Get All My News From

Coworker #1: Wow, I can't believe the space shuttle exploded.
Coworker #2: That's what they get.
Coworker #1: What!?
Coworker #2: Who told them to go into space? That's what they get for flying in the face of god!
Coworker #1: What the hell are you talking about?
Coworker #2: They shouldn't be there. Why do you think every time the space shuttle comes back there are new diseases and shit!
Coworker #1: So you're saying there is life in space!?
Coworker #3: It's true, it's true! They're coming out with new types of onions every day!

–Retail Store Stockroom, Manhattan

Like, New York's Technically a State Of Mind, Right?

College student with Boston accent: Yeah, I was reading this article in like Newsweek or something, that ranked the states from smartest to dumbest. Massachusetts was in the top ten.
College student with Miami accent: What about Florida?
College student with Boston accent: Florida was like, 47.
College student with Miami accent: Out of how many?

–NYU

Overheard by: Still Laughing

Ever Seen My Titties, Dude?

Black hipster guy, pointing at newspaper: Look, look at this, I was right! I told you so! Tell me I was right.
Redhead hipster girl: Yeah, you were right.
Black hipster guy: Tell me I was right, and that I'm a sexy motherfucker, and that you want my cock really bad.
Redhead hipster girl: Okay, you were right, you're a sexy motherfucker, and I want your cock sooo bad. (starts whispering in his ear)
Black hipster guy, pushing her away: What is wrong with you? Who raised you? Were you raised by wolves…slutty wolves?

–Uptown 1 Train