Archive for the ‘News’ Category

Like, New York's Technically a State Of Mind, Right?

College student with Boston accent: Yeah, I was reading this article in like Newsweek or something, that ranked the states from smartest to dumbest. Massachusetts was in the top ten.
College student with Miami accent: What about Florida?
College student with Boston accent: Florida was like, 47.
College student with Miami accent: Out of how many? –NYU Overheard by: Still Laughing

Wednesday One-Liners Call Themselves “Publicists”

Announcer dude: People, get the Audio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there thinking, ‘I should have listened to that handsome, well-spoken man downstairs.’ You’ll be beating yourself for not buying the Audio Guide. And I don’t need that on my conscience. –Empire State Building Overheard by: George Carstocea Daily News hawker: Sign up here for your free subscription to the Daily News! [Muttering] We’ll screw you later. –Outside Shea Stadium Overheard by: Mrs. Met Guy selling comedy show tickets: Come on, have a ticket. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your MySpace page! –Times Square Overheard by: Punkgrrl Top of the Rock promoter guy: Yeah, it’s supposed to be, like, the best view or whatever of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fellow promoter] Yo, man, you ever been up there? –Rockefeller Center Flyer dude: See the naked cowboy on stage! Sucking cock! –46th & Broadway Overheard by: Ashley Guy selling newspapers: New York Post here! Daily News here! [He’s ignored.] New York Post here! Daily News! [Still ignored.] George Bush wins the lottery! [Still ignored.] –33rd & 7th Comedy club promoter: People, you gotta come tonight, because if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia! –Times Square

This Is Plan: B, Plan: A Was (Tilts Head Toward Aluminum Garbage Can)

Young-looking 40-something: So, I've got some big news for you all…
Mother: Oh? Really?
Young-looking 40 something: We're adding a new member to the family!
Mother: You're pregnant?!
Young-looking 40-something: No, my daughter is. (tilts head towards teenage daughter) –Cafeteria, Metropolitan Museum of Art Headline by: Ryan Runners-Up:
· “But, Okay, Yes, I Am Too” – Chuckles
· “Just Like Mom Used to Make ’em” – Slater
· “So You DIDN’T Just Save 15% on Car Insurance?” – benj
· “You Know It’s Time to Run for Vice-President When…” – Morning Glory
Click here to see the new Headline Contest