Young-looking 40-something: So, I've got some big news for you all…
Mother: Oh? Really?
Young-looking 40 something: We're adding a new member to the family!
Mother: You're pregnant?!
Young-looking 40-something: No, my daughter is. (tilts head towards teenage daughter)
–Cafeteria, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Headline by: Ryan
Runners-Up:
· “But, Okay, Yes, I Am Too” – Chuckles
· “Just Like Mom Used to Make ‘em” – Slater
· “So You DIDN’T Just Save 15% on Car Insurance?” – benj
· “You Know It’s Time to Run for Vice-President When…” – Morning Glory
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Archive for the ‘News’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Hope It's Just Like Riding a Bicycle
Douche on cell: I haven't had sex in 48 days and I feel like it's getting smaller. What should I do?
–48th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jnaz
Really old man complaining to his wife: You'd rather watch CNN than have sex with me!
–The Water Club, 30th & FDR
Overheard by: Trying to have a romantic dinner date
Pretty girl on cell: Yeah, I got this really bad toothache…my gums are sore too. (pause)
What do you mean what have I been putting in my mouth? (laughs) Well, nothing exciting, that's for sure! Maybe that's the problem. My mouth's probably going on strike cause it hasn't been getting any action.
–F Train
Overheard by: I wouldnt have minded putting something of mine in her mouth!
Girl on phone: I mean, if I don't fuck him, who will? His bitch-ass girlfriend certainly won't. (pause) No, not even; she only got those piercings so she could put a fucking lock in it.
–L Train
Random guy outside bedroom window: Just because I won't sleep with you doesn't mean I don't love you!
–Union Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Casey
I'm Pretty Sure That Was Its Dead Mother's Hand
Lady who lunches #1: Did you see that sad picture of the little African baby on the cover of the Times today?
Lady who lunches #2: I know, it is terrible, but didn't you love the hat it was wearing?
–Crosstown Bus M79
Overheard by: TimNH
Strangely, She Then Mentioned a “Russian Judge” and a “German Judge”
Male Fordham student: I think I witnessed a girl getting bad news about either being pregnant or getting STDs!
Female Fordham student: How do you know?!
Male Fordham student: Because she was on the phone and I heard her say “wait, that's not possible, how could the results come back as that?”
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
You're So Unsupportive!
Guy #1 (reading newspaper): The fattest city in America: Virginia.
Guy #2: That's not a city.
Guy #1: Oh. I meant West Virginia.
Guy #2: That's still not a city.
–112th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: It's not?
Ever Seen My Titties, Dude?
Black hipster guy, pointing at newspaper: Look, look at this, I was right! I told you so! Tell me I was right.
Redhead hipster girl: Yeah, you were right.
Black hipster guy: Tell me I was right, and that I'm a sexy motherfucker, and that you want my cock really bad.
Redhead hipster girl: Okay, you were right, you're a sexy motherfucker, and I want your cock sooo bad. (starts whispering in his ear)
Black hipster guy, pushing her away: What is wrong with you? Who raised you? Were you raised by wolves…slutty wolves?
–Uptown 1 Train
Or Did You Mean O'Keeffe?
Guy: So Russia invaded Georgia this morning.
Ditzy girlfriend: Get the fuck out! My aunt lives in Atlanta!
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: mark
Mostly Because They Won't Be Watching It
Drunk muscular hipster, after walking into a glass door (shouting): Yeah, you can laugh at me now, but you won't be laughing when I take my story to Fox News, jerk-wads!
–L Train
Overheard by: Tom in Bushwick
Speaking Of Going Down
Student #1, looking at financial data: Oh, crap, the dollar went down again.
Student #2: Why do you care if the dollar goes down?
Student #1: Because I want to go to Canada and pay less for strippers.
–Cooper Union
Overheard by: Yasha
You Want Wednesday One-Liners? We Got 'em!
Man handing out New York Post: New York Post! If you're illiterate, only 75 cents! If you only lookin at pictures, 50 cents!
–6th Ave & W 8th St
Overheard by: lady v
Man selling cotton candy: Get your cotton candy here! Cotton candy! I got your all-natural blue fibers of sugar right here! Straight from the blue cotton fields of…Virginia! Cotton candy, here!
–Shea Stadium
Street perfume seller to browser: You like Vera Wang, princess? This is genuine Wang.
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Weary Communter
Street vendor: Hey, where are you ladies from? (two teenage girls walk by) Oh, that's cool, that's cool, I think I have a friend that lives there!
–7th & 40th
Overheard by: Tiffany
AM New York guy: Sir, would you like a paper this morning? No? No? (shakes head and looks at the ground) I don't care. (pause) It's okay, I don't care.
–145th & St. Nich
Overheard by: sorry charlie
Fake purse salesman: Gucci makes the coochie go woo woo!
–Times Square