Archive for the ‘News’ Category

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NYU girl #1: What the hell is the professor talking about? We can't use the internet to do research?
NYU girl #2: She doesn't know what she's talking about.
NYU girl #1: I mean, an article in The New York Times is totally an academic resource, even if I look at it on their web page. Does she think The New York Times isn't right?
NYU girl #2: Yeah, fuck her!
NYU girl #1: I also cited the bible in my paper, but that's totally an academic source.

–Waverly Place

Americans Prefer to Learn About Other Countries by Invading Them

Female yuppie, looking at cover of New York Times: Wow. Look at that picture!
Male yuppie: What is it?
Female yuppie: It's like, some Al Qaeda guy walking in the water with all his guns and stuff.
Male yuppie: Where is he?
Female yuppie: I don't know. Algeria?
Male yuppie: I didn't know there was water in Algeria.

–Crossroads Cafe, Brooklyn

This Is Plan: B, Plan: A Was (Tilts Head Toward Aluminum Garbage Can)

Young-looking 40-something: So, I've got some big news for you all…
Mother: Oh? Really?
Young-looking 40 something: We're adding a new member to the family!
Mother: You're pregnant?!
Young-looking 40-something: No, my daughter is. (tilts head towards teenage daughter)

–Cafeteria, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Headline by: Ryan

Runners-Up:
· “But, Okay, Yes, I Am Too” – Chuckles

· “Just Like Mom Used to Make ‘em” – Slater
· “So You DIDN’T Just Save 15% on Car Insurance?” – benj
· “You Know It’s Time to Run for Vice-President When…” – Morning Glory


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Hope It's Just Like Riding a Bicycle

Douche on cell: I haven't had sex in 48 days and I feel like it's getting smaller. What should I do?

–48th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jnaz

Really old man complaining to his wife: You'd rather watch CNN than have sex with me!

–The Water Club, 30th & FDR

Overheard by: Trying to have a romantic dinner date

Pretty girl on cell: Yeah, I got this really bad toothache…my gums are sore too. (pause)
What do you mean what have I been putting in my mouth? (laughs) Well, nothing exciting, that's for sure! Maybe that's the problem. My mouth's probably going on strike cause it hasn't been getting any action.

–F Train

Overheard by: I wouldnt have minded putting something of mine in her mouth!

Girl on phone: I mean, if I don't fuck him, who will? His bitch-ass girlfriend certainly won't. (pause) No, not even; she only got those piercings so she could put a fucking lock in it.

–L Train

Random guy outside bedroom window: Just because I won't sleep with you doesn't mean I don't love you!

–Union Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Casey