Five-year-old boy: I have nipples! Look! I have nipples!
Mother: Yes, you do.
Five-year-old boy: I have breasts!
Mother: No, boys don't have breasts.
Five-year-old boy: Neither do you!
–Old Navy, Chelsea
Archive for the ‘Nipples’ Category
Wednesday's the Most Sensitive Part Of Your One-Liner
Guy to girl: I have a proprietary interest in your nipples.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Hobo coming out of cardboard box to group of blonde chicks: Run yo nipples!
–Blake St
Teenage girl: It's so fucking cold my nipples could pick up radio stations.
–Central Park
20-something Asian guy: But I know babies' nipples are so sensitive…
–Grand & Eldridge
Hobo, yelling at couple on the street: What the hell I look like to you? Huh?! I'm a gangsta! If I had three nipples and no legs, I'd still get laid! (shakes cane at them)
–41st & 8th
Overheard by: S&B at STJ
Wednesday Doesn't Know a Single One-Liner Here Tonight
Girl to friend: This party is going to be awesome! Wait. We have to stop somewhere on the way…I gotta pee before I put out tonight.
–Montrose & Graham
Dude: Do you even know what an Animal Collective Listening Party means in the rest of the country?
–Animal Collective Album Listening Party, River Room, Harlem
Overheard by: care bear stare
Girl: I think it's okay if she parties, as long as it's with a bunch of Christians.
–West 4th b/w 6th & MacDougal
Girl to friend: There's this party in the East Village. It's called "Spit." I'll tell you next time I go. It's on Fridays. But my gawd, these guys are cokeheads. I ended up with ten of them in my apartment last week.
–8th & 18th
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Chick on cell: Do parties *count* if there's nothing but necking and spanking and nipple-tweaking?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy: I know I'm gay, but the best part of my Bar Mitzvah was meeting the party planner.
–Barns & Noble, 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rijita
All Three Of Them.
Guy #1: Dude, what's with the hot water?
Guy #2 (with pierced nipples): My nipples like steaming hot water. That's how they roll.
–NYU Palladium
Overheard by: Zacharia
It's Your Fault for Teaching Him About Alternating Current
Suit: Well, why didn't you stop him? I had to get him in trouble with the deans.
Teenager: Well, it's not my fault if he wants to electrocute his nipples.
–Grand Central
How Does a Conversation Begin “People at the Circus Hide Their Nipples”?
Son #1: People at the circus hide their nipples.
Son #2: What about the three-nippled man?
Son #1: He shows his one at a time.
Son #2: So how can you be sure he isn't playing three nipple Monte?
–71st Ave
Overheard by: RAS
Wednesday's One-Liners Are Standing at Attention
Thug: Yo, man! What color are my nipples? What color are my nipples?!
–LaGuardia High School
Teen to friend: Calm yo black nipples! Calm yo black nipples!
–Union Square
Overheard by: hairy pink nipples
Girl to friends: The idea of some machine sucking on my nipples just terrifies me!
–Bathroom, NYU
Overheard by: Trying to pee in peace
Random girl: Yeah, I have like four nipples.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Nameless
Tall beautiful 30-year-old curvaceous brunette in stockings and pumps on cell: I was like: "you're preaching about non-violence and you're touching my nipple!"
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Janusz
How Was I Supposed to Know She Was a Mannequin?
Bro #1: I mean, you can't turn that down.
Bro #2: Right, you can't turn that down! I mean, she had boobs!
–University Place & North Washington Square
Overheard by: Anna P.
“Bitch, You Awake?” Being the Second.
Boyfriend: Love you.
Girlfriend: Love you too.
Boyfriend: Love your rack too.
Girlfriend: That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me.
–82nd & 1st
Overheard by: Cocomo
Headline by: Ross
Runners-Up:
· “How the Hat-Check Girl Was Won Over…” – Earthborn
· “Low Expectations Can Be Surprisingly Rewarding…” – Sphaeron
· “Pipe Down, I Didn’t Say I Loved Your Mouth” – Daniel Patterson
· “That’s the Same Thing Your Sister Said!” – cafn8ed
· “The Deepest Conversation Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo Have Ever Had” – rudegrl
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
The Hokey Pokey Is Very Popular in New York
Boy in hat: You gotta remember, you have to squeeze the left nipple.
Girl: Ohhhhh. Of course.
–Bedford & 3rd
Overheard by: Ashley