Archive for the ‘Nipples’ Category

It Makes Me Horny. You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Horny

Straight girl: Oooohhh, you know who has the best tits? Isabella Rossellini. Great, great tits.
Gay guy: Oh, you're right! I didn't even think of her.
Straight girl: I don't know how someone her age can have tits that great.
Gay guy: Yeah, if your tits are half that good when you turn her age, you should die a happy woman.
Lesbian: Dear god, why are we talking about Isabella Rossellini's tits on the subway? For that matter, why are we talking about them anywhere?!

–N Train

Thwarted by Pants Again

Girl #1: I’m so glad I can say I saw Lea Michele’s boob now.
Girl #2: I just wanted to see that guy’s dick though. It was so close…

–Eugene O’Neil Theater

Headline by: ToddS

Runners-Up:
· “…I Could Taste It” – Ian
· “And All He Needs Is Another $10,000 to Finish the Operation” – davey j
· “And Then I Dropped the Magnifying Glass” – Fred
· “Close Encounters Of the Third Eye” – Erin
· “If His Pants Were Any Tighter, I Could Have Told You the Name Of His Rabbi.” – Fia


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

You Can’t Choose Your Wednesday One-Liners

Jewish girl: I think my family likes me because I will fulfill my potential to be a pompous ass.

–NYU Bobst Library

Thirty-something Hispanic woman: All my nephews are boys… All of them.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Suze V

Girl on cell: Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucked my sister!

–70 & Broadway

Girl on cell: …The half-Asian, half-Jewish guy. And she’s like: "My brother is so pissed at me!" and I’m like: "Of course he’s pissed, you’ve gotten with six of his friends."

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy: I’ve seen my sister-in law’s titties so many times…

–Yankee Stadium

Girl on cell: So the little girl at the wedding was like: "Are you guys brothers?" And I was like: "No, we fuck".

–24th St b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Amy

But It Was Still the Best Math-Club Party Yet

Obnoxiously loud girl: So I was at this party and this really drunk girl was like: “Oh my god, pierce my nipples!” and this guy did and I watched the whole thing.
Her friend: Really?
Obnoxiously loud girl: Yeah! But I was expecting blood, don’t you think there’d be blood?

–Starbucks, Washington Square