Archive for the ‘Nostalgia’ Category

Wednesday Doesn't Eat Enough to Keep a One-Liner Alive

Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time! –Hostos Faculty Dining Room Overheard by: glad she's leaving Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream? –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then… –Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge Overheard by: allison Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits. –Upper West Side Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry. –95th & 2nd

Wednesday One-Liners Use the Socratic Method

Columbia grad student: …developing a really spectacular
sense of intellectual arrogance. –Columbia University Professor, receiving text message in class: Ooh. That’s interesting. Invitation to go dancing, not from my girlfriend. Thank God I’ve got permission… We’re never going to get to anything today, are we? I’m so bad at this… –Tisch School of the Arts, NYU Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson Chinese professor: You see Chinese like tofu, you never use it. –John Jay College Overheard by: soccerking3t Teen guy: So I ended up in a dress. I don’t think English class will ever be the same. –Stuyvesant High School Overheard by: Natasha Sadistic professor: Unfortunately we don’t flog people anymore. You usually pass out after you finish screaming. –Fordham, the Bronx Overheard by: Jess McGins Drunken pre-med to drunken boy teetering on a concrete railing: Reed, if you fall, I’m not a doctor yet! –West Village, 8th & 14th Overheard by: annie NYU girl to professor: So, if you’re sleeping with Nietzsche, you shouldn’t ask the question, "What are you thinking?" –NYU classroom, Mercer & Houston

Let’s Not Introduce the Spouses, Okay?

50-year-old man: God, I haven’t see you since we were, what, 21?
50-year-old woman: What was it, 1980? Somewhere around there?
50-year-old man: Remember that Frank Zappa concert we went to at Stonybrook in 1978?
50-year-old woman: Yeah, and who got you those front row seats, motherfucker? Me! I stood on line for 24 hours so I could be the first in line for tickets.
50-year-old man: Remember he pulled you up on stage to sing with him?
50-year-old woman: Sure!
50-year-old man: Well, I have a recording of that. I had a little tape recorder in my pocket and I taped the whole show.
50-year-old woman: You’re gonna make a copy of that tape, aren’t you? I gave you your very first blowjob, remember?
50-year-old man: Believe me, I remember it in every exquisite detail. Yeah, that’s worth a copy of a tape. –Sardi’s Overheard by: Big Larry