Archive for the ‘Not New York’ Category

Let's Get Ready to Wednesday One-Liiiiiiiiiiner!

Chick on cell: It attacked me this morning. I attacked it this afternoon. –113th St Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy Six-year-old boy on train platform to grown man eyeing him: Stop looking at me or I'm going to beat you up! –NJ Transit Overheard by: Turning away now. Hipster on cell: Wait…so he hit you with the broom first, right? –60th & Lex Overheard by: Easy Does It Shopper on her cell: If one of these little kids steps on my toes one more time I'm gonna pinch the motherfuckers. –Ikea in Red Hook Woman in bathroom: No, there's no toilet paper. You wanna throw down? –Port Authority

Clearly the Googleionaires Have Never Walked the NYC Streets

Date: Tue, 2 Aug 2005 11:51:21 -0700
From: Google AdSense
To: [email protected]
Subject: Google AdSense Account Status
Cc: Google AdSense Hello Steven, Thank you for your interest in Google AdSense. After reviewing your application, our program specialists have found that it does not comply with our policies. Therefore, we’re unable to accept you into Google AdSense at this time. We did not approve your application for the reasons listed below. If you are able to resolve these issues, please feel free to reply to this email for reconsideration when you have made the changes. Issues: – Inappropriate language ——————— Further detail: Inappropriate language: We’ve found that your website contains content that isn’t in compliance with our program policies. We don’t allow websites with excessive profanity or potentially offensive content to participate in Google AdSense. Please review our policies( for a complete list of site content not allowed on web pages. [Surely they don’t mean “nigga”? –Ed.]


Judge, at conclusion of trial: Well, I must say I was very impressed with the quality of the attorneys for both sides. It's extremely unusual and refreshing to see attorneys acting like lawyers.
Attorney: I would suggest, your honor, that it would be more accurate to say that it is unusual and refreshing to see attorneys not acting like lawyers.
Judge: Point well taken. –Civil Court, Sutphin Boulevard, Jamaica Overheard by: Big Larry

The Wednesday One-Liner Monologues

Drunk hipster: Since when did the vagina become the font of all morality? –110th & Amsterdam Girl running in pajamas: Oh my god my vagina is so cold! –50th St & 8th Ave Overheard by: Matt Girl proclaiming: I saw the vagina. –NYU Acting student: You have a vagina and he’s all into that. I have a penis and he’s not all into that. That’s why you have to do this for me. –Archbold Theater Overheard by: nice Crazy black woman: I know my pussy! You don’t know my pussy! Haha! You can’t say you know my pussy, I know my pussy! Haha, hah! If you can’t find my pussy, you can’t say you’re not too big! –114th & Broadway Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze Nondescript guy on cell phone: So, were the vaginas ok? –55th St & 8th

Omagah, It’s Wednesday One-Liners!

Gay man with a completely serious tone: It is going to take a lot of brownie mix and a lot of sex -but I am committed. –W 52nd & 9th Overheard by: I wish I knew what they were speaking about Queer: Well kids, it’s been great, but I gotta go. I have a meeting in a little bit and I want to masturbate first. –Wagner College Dinning Hall Queer: Anyone can just leave. It takes a true queen to make an exit. –Christopher Street Overheard by: Rose Fox Queer: And then I was so glad I miscarried because getting knocked up and being pregnant is like, such a hassle! –Sarah Lawrence College Overheard by: bitterfame Gay guy on cell: So wait, you got kicked out because a couple of bitchy fags sprayed you with alcohol? –23rd & 7th Black queer: My pillow is Gucci! Raaaaaah! [He beings to attack people with said Gucci pillow.] –Pillow Fight, Union Square Overheard by: Lillian Old large gay man to group of young gays: It was really great meeting you all. You are such an interesting group of people. [To one boy.] I’d love to see you in a speedo! –Hollywood Diner, 17th St & 6th Ave