Three-year-old girl: Do you get lots of clothes when you die?
Jamaican nanny: No, not at all. Your daddy will be gone, and your mommy will be gone, and your sister will be gone, and your grandma will be gone. You will be all alone.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Louis
Archive for the ‘Nurses’ Category
Today's Little Red-Haired Girl Would Be All Over Charlie Brown
Six-year-old girl: I'm hot.
Babysitter: I know, it's really hot out.
Six-year-old girl, jumping up and down: No, I'm *hot*, like sexy hot!
–74th St & West End
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
Like a Spent Cartridge
Nanny: Do you still like that boy from your class?
Six-year-old girl: No! He stinks.
Nanny: Aww, what happened? He was so cute, I thought.
Six-year-old girl: I know. But he ejected me.
Nanny: Rejected you?
Six-year-old girl: Ejected me!
–Smith & 9th Station
Could You Stop Demonstrating on Me?
Nursing student: Can anyone on this bus tell me why my teacher stuck his bare ungloved finger up this guy's rectum?!
(a couple of seconds later)
Nursing student: I saw some lady's uterus fall out of her vagina today, while giving birth.
Nurse also on bus: You are being really inappropriate today.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Audrey
Like, What’s with the Curly Hair?
Nurse #1: So what are you guys doing for passover?
Nurse #2: Nothing.
Nurse #1: No Seder?
Nurse #2: I’m not Jewish.
Nurse #1: No way? Really?
Nurse #2: Really.
Nurse #1: Yes, you are.
Nurse #2: I’m not.
Nurse #1: You totally are. I know you are.
–Mount Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: Janis
She Thinks We Were at War with China in the ’60s
Nurse on phone with patient: You speak Korean? Is that like Mandarin Chinese or Cantonese? So it’s called Korean? It’s not Chinese?
–New York Presbyterian Hospital
We’re Supposed to Refer to That As “Surgery”
Nurse #1: The guy in room 14 is so annoying.
Nurse #2: No wonder somebody stabbed him in the fucking face.
–1st Ave
I Smell Romantic Comedy Gold!
Nurse #1: Fuck, I hate Mr. Williams. That fucker won’t shut the hell up. Every time he’s here he wants me to be his nurse.
Nurse #2, laughing: Mr. Williams likes you.
Nurse #3: I don’t know why you’re laughing, Mary. At least she doesn’t have an 80-year-old dyke putting the moves on her.
–South Ward, Albert Einstein Hospital
Drugging Miss Daisy
Old lady: You know, I never liked the word ‘black.’ I much preferred ‘colored’ — it makes more sense. See, you’re not black, you’re brown like the color of toast.
Nurse: Ah, um, I’m just here to give you your meds.
–Albert Einstein Hospital
Selfish Bone Cancer-Having Motherfucker
Man: I’m in pain! Nurse, nurse!
Nurse, to herself: Dammit, nigga, I just fucking gave you morphine!
–Albert Einstein Hospital