Archive for the ‘NYC Geography’ Category

Parts Of Wednesday One-Liners Are Really Quite Nice

Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters? –Penn Station Overheard by: Erin and Willa Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!" –Rivington & Essex Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes. –2 Train Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore! –5th Ave & 86th Overheard by: GerMan in NY Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey! –New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay. –1st & St. Mark's

I’m Like, Oh No, You Vatican’t!

Sassy gay guy: Have you seen how ghetto the Upper East Side has gotten?
Girl in yoga clothes: Um.
Sassy gay guy: And everyone is a bitch. A freakin’ nun pushed me out of her way one time.
Girl in yoga clothes: Ha! Really?!
Sassy gay guy: Yes mam! [Snaps his fingers.] So I pushed her all the way down, girl. Whatever. I don’t care. I’m not Catholic! –50th & Broadway

And Your Point Is…?

Hobo singing: Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten. From the Battery to the top of Manhattan. [To transit worker] ‘Scuse me, sir. Where we at right now? Brooklyn? Queens? Manhattan?
Transit worker #1: We’re anywhere you wanna be, brother.
Hobo: What borough is this?
Transit worker #2: This is the Bronx.
Hobo: The Bronx?
Transit worker #1: The boogie down.
Hobo: The boogie woogie? [Walks away singing] Boogie woogie oogie ’til ya just can’t boogie no more…
Transit worker #2 to #1: If you just hopped into that train and drove it on time we wouldn’t have to watch him wander around the platform. –1 train platform, 242nd St Overheard by: Reggie Vikram

Wednesday One-Liners Turn the Meter On

Cabbie, as man opens passenger-side door: Wait. I am not mentally prepared for this! –W 50th Cabbie on cell: Hello? I’m going to beat you up… ‘Cause I want to! –23rd & Lex Exasperated cabbie: Why is there a house driving down Delancey Street? –Delancey & Chrystie Overheard by: Les Chinatown Cabbie on cell: No, no, it is not possible. I cannot possibly be back in the city by then — I am at the airport…I could maybe make it back into the city to see you in, like, two hours if traffic isn’t bad in the Bronx. Man, the airport is really packed today. –99th & Amsterdam Overheard by: Laughing in the back Cabbie, after getting cut off by another: Goddamn cabbies. –30th & 5th

A Valiant Knight on a Mapquest

Guy: Do you go to FDU?
Girl: No, I got to Hunter. It’s in Manhattan; have you heard of it?
Guy: No, but where is it?
Girl: Do you know the city?
Guy: Of course!
Girl: 68th and Lexington.
Guy: That’s near the Village, right?
Girl: No, it’s on the Upper East Side.
Guy: Oh. Well, I usually hang out in the Village. Down by Avenue A and Avenue B.
Girl: Um. –A train Overheard by: Brown Eyed Girl