Archive for the ‘NYC Geography’ Category

Congrats, You’re Not Even as Classy as the SI Ferry

British bitch on cell: I’m surrounded by fucking morons who probably struggled through the NYC school system. We all know New Yorkers are the dumbest. They can’t even read. They haven’t had a Latin education and they probably can’t even speak another language…I didn’t want to get a limo to take to the fuckin’ ghettos of Brooklyn. I didn’t want to take a cab because these uneducated people don’t understand directions. I didn’t want to spend $30 and not get to the right place…Please make sure my car gets fixed. I’ve been reduced to the humiliation of taking public transportation. Now the second part of my fucking nightmare begins. I have to take the subway! I’m dressed like a commoner. I didn’t want to wear a $5000 Chanel suit on a seat that hasn’t been cleaned…She’s letting us borrow her castle for our wedding. If they can’t afford to be there, they obviously don’t deserve to come. –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: Christine

Wednesday One-Liners–No Apologies Necessary

Suit on cell: I swear, I’m going to make her the sorriest crippled girl in New York.

–Avenue C

Hipster on iPhone: Hello? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you–I have an iPhone.

–6th & 27th

Hipster girl to out-of-town friend: Sorry about the smell, this area just recently gentrified.

–Orchard Street b/w Broome & Grand

Loud, drunk, British girl to boyfriend: We don’t know each other’s minds -we can’t read each other’s minds! So when you do something I don’t like and I tell you and then later you do something I don’t like and I tell you again… Well that’s two sorries in one day! And "sorry" is just a word, but you’re learning about me! About my mind.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: rpk

Woman on cell: Oh sorry, I have to go. Remember that woman that got pregnant by a bear? Yeah, I just ran into her.

–Astor Place

Dominican to friend: And just wait until I tell them all he’s Dominican… he’ll really be sorry then!

–5th Ave, near Empire State Building

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Omaha

Tourist: I don’t like this train line. On the L line they have benches so that you can kneel down and pray… And they don’t have crevices digging into your ass and shit.

–1 train

Tourist girl: Let’s go to the Upper Wet Side.

–Palace Theatre, Broadway

Tourist: You haven’t been raped and stabbed ’til you’ve been raped and stabbed in New York.

–Central Park

Dude with huge backpack, clutching a map: Sometimes you just don’t want to see a huge ball of twine, y’know? It’s, like, 200 miles away. [Guy next to him nods head vigorously.]

–Manhattan-bound L train

Middle-aged tourist on cell: No, we gotta go to Penn Central. Trust me, I know this place — we gotta get to Penn Central.

–Penn Station

The Gates Changed New York Forever

Elderly woman: Excuse me, do you know where 81st Street is? We’re trying to get to the highest point in the park to see The Gates. A NYer points out the way. After she leaves, he says: I’m pretty sure I gave her the wrong directions, but I think she’s high enough. –The Ramble Overheard by: Nathan K. Claus Guy: Man, this will really put New York back on the map. –The Gates Suit: Excuse me, I wanted to ask you about your [big orange] wig. Are you advocating your support for The Gates or are you commenting on how crazy and trivial they are?
Guy: Uh…what wig? –The Gates Overheard by: Greg Rutter Boy: Mom! Was that “art”?
Mother: No, Michael. That was laundry. –Central Park Overheard by: Darko Vraither Old woman #1: Isn’t it lovely?
Old woman #2: Well, I wouldn’t call it art, but I’m certainly glad New York has something to amuse it during the month of February. –MoMA roof Overheard by: Michael Bracy