Archive for the ‘NYC Geography’ Category

He Also Blew the Whistle on Big Tobacco

Hipster girl on cell: Kim, I’m such a spaz! I forgot it was Wednesday, and I forgot I was supposed to meet you for lunch. So I’m on the Upper East Side and —
Black guy yelling: No, you ain’t! You at Union Square, bitch!
Hipster girl on cell: –Sorry. I’m on the Upper East Side and I don’t have time to go downtown right now.

–Union Square

NewsFlash: New Jersey Builds Immigration Wall

Yuppie on cell cutting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cookies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yuppie, into cell: I hate the fucking East Side. Everyone thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t figure out this fucking line — all I want to do is buy some fucking cookies… New Jersey is my destiny.

–Bakery, 70th & Lex

They Didn't Appreciate the Blackface, Though

White guy: Where do you live?
White girl: The Upper East Side. Where do you live?
White guy: I just moved to the city, I live in Harlem.
White girl: Oh, that must be scary.
White guy: Nah, it's not scary. I'm from Northwestern Florida so I mean I'm used to black people…plus, I play basketball.
White girl (nods in complete agreement): Oh, you're fine then.

–Bowery Bar

Wednesday One-Liners Do Their Little Turn on the Catwalk

Woman on cell, wearing fuchsia catsuit and clutching stuffed parrot: I’m on the corner of Broadway and 69th in a ridiculous outfit.

–69th & Broadway Buff guy: You know what they used to call me in jail? “Harry the Robe,” because I wore this beautiful white robe after I took showers.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: gina Girl on cell: I swear, if I have my underwear on inside out today I am just going to snap.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Amused listener Preppy guy: Is there a philosopher named Kenneth Cole? Because there is this huge billboard with his quote on it.

–Sugar Sweet Sunshine, Rivington between Norfolk & Essex Guy in black cape and Batman-type mask: No one ever fucks with me when I go out at night rocking this outfit.

–Franklin & Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: lil pirate Girl: Do they even have Prada in Boston? They just have baked beans and Benjamin Franklin, and he’s dead.

–Stanton & Orchard Girl, walking behind another girl who’s wearing a pink tutu, white stockings, and a tiara: Let her walk alone wearing this on her birthday.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Not Wearing a Tutu