Archive for the ‘NYU’ Category

The Definition of Pollution

Drunk Girl: Ha ha, I’m talking so loud. I’m making such ear pollution.
Drunk Guy: Nooo, it’s called noise pollution…
Drunk Girl: But like, what is noise pollution?
Drunk Guy: I dunno…I think it’s like when you’re vulgar, so I try not to curse all the time. That way, when I say like “oh fuck” everyone will be all like “Whoaaaaaa.” –NYU Dorm Elevator Overheard by: Stephanie

My Ass is Voting for the President

NYU Girl: I saw her on the subway. She was wearing pink Ugg boots, bright pink stockings, a short skirt and a ton of eyeliner, and then she turns around and I see that she’s got a Bush/Cheney sticker slapped across her ass!
NYU Guy: Well, that’s a moment when you want to ask her Who do you work for, and how much are they paying you to do this? –Broadway & East 9th Street

One-Liners Melt in Your Mouth, Not in Your Wednesday

Girl: I would totally eat the shit out of a cupcake!

–St. Mark's Place

Mom to little boy crying after dropping popsicle: I'm not buying you another one!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Katherine

Thin blonde girl: I love food. I wish I could make love to this cookie…

–NYU

Very hot girl in expensive outfit to guy walking away: Oh, so looking at candy and toys is more important than my need to go to the bathroom?

–82nd & Central Park West

McWednesday One-Liners

MTA conductor: This train is going to run express. The next and last stop is McDonald's… I mean Astoria-Ditmars Boulevard.

–W Train

British teenager: They didn't even spell it right, it's "Mac Donald's," not "mc"!

–McDonald's, Bowery & Bayard

Student to class: I ate a McGriddle last week, and it was like eating a baby angel.

–Classroom, NYU

Frantic foreign lady: Is this the train that goes to McDonald's?

–F Subway

Overheard by: laura

Wednesday One-Liners? Please Hold.

Guy on cell: I'm gonna come over and give you a big hug before doomsday.

–Outside NYU Dorm

Guy holding up drunk friend: I have to hug the fat kid?! Why don't you try hugging a fat kid?

–LIRR, Penn Station

Overheard by: Laura

Hobo to startled girl: If you give me a dollar I won't hug you.

–7 Train

Small boy, loudly, after some take-off turbulence: The plane is going down… Everybody hug!

–Runway Strip, JFK

Overheard by: PSUny

5-to-7-Day Liners

Girl: Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it.

–Frying Pan Bar

Professor: Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule.

–NYU

Overheard by: Leslie

Upscale female suit on cell: I'm totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: The Trooper

Gay guy on cell: I'm so cranky, I feel like I'm a girl who's on her period and pregnant.

–Park Ave & 29th St

Big black guy, loudly on phone: Why you bitchin at me because I won't cleeeeen behind you? I'm not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you!

–123rd St & Manhattan Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Wanna See You Sweat!

Guy in courtyard, doing pelvic thrusts: Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and…

–NYU Dorm

Girl to friends: Yeah, after he stopped doing yoga it all went downhill…

–East Village

Guy on cell, screaming: I'm a machine! I'm unstoppable! Who goes out till four in the morning and then destroys a triathlon the next day? I'm a machine!

–91st St & York Ave

50-something yoga instructor: Bring attention to your reproductive organs, squeeze them as hard as you can, and release. Let them go, let them hang loose.

–Yoga Studio

Overheard by: Puff

Conductor: I was watching the winter Olympics speed skating and I got to thinking about the summer Olympics. A New Yorker should win the 100 meter dash. All they have to do is put an open train door at the end of the track and start the race with "boop boop." You know that New Yorker is going to win the gold. Ya'll have a good day now.

–A Train

Overheard by: Commuter #1,792,824