Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down.
–NYU
Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn't have gone to see The Little Mermaid?
–Eugene O'Neill Theatre
College student: …exactly how you'd expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go.
–NYU
Black guy on cell: It doesn't mean I'm gay because I'm going to see a play. (pause) It's for a class… There's nothing wrong with wanting to see a play.
–Union Square
Overheard by: erkala
20-something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical!
–63rd St & Broadway
Archive for the ‘NYU’ Category
Wednesday One-Minors
Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls.
–Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: Tara
Small boy to teacher in increasingly panicky voice: Is this Narnia? We're not Narnians yet, right?!
–NYU Kimmel Center
Overheard by: Narnia @ NYU?
Five-year-old to three-year-old brother: Listen, we're going to have food all winter. It's hibernation. You know what hibernation is, don't you? Hibernation is when animals eat a lot of food and sleep all winter. We're gonna hibernate!
–M104 Bus
Overheard by: Samantha
Little kid: Grandma, smell this! It's Obsession for Men!
–Bergdorf Goodman
Sobbing five-year-old girl to mom in CD section: I wanna download, I don't wanna waste my money.
–Borders, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Can records labels sue toddlers?
“Your Mama's So Wednesday, She's a One-Liner!”
Young woman in need of sympathy: You have to forgive me! My mother, she fucked me up! I'm soooo fucked up!
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: stephie
Teenage girl: My mom is a fan of "wild sex" on Facebook.
–Starbucks
Girl in red jacket: It's not the whole gay thing, it's the whole sex-in-front-of-your-mother thing.
–Hudson & Varrick
Man to another, across seat: Get up! Get up, fool. Yo' momma don't love you! And if yo' momma don't love you, don't nobody love you.
–E Train
Male NYU student: Yay, my mom's picking me up!
–NYU
Overheard by: George
…So, Not Jeopardy-Style, Like the Midterm.
Student: Can you tell us the format of the test?
Professor: There will be questions.
–NYU
Hugs, Not Wednesday One-Liners!
NYU professor: Stay away from drugs. (pause) Unless they're recreational and you know what you're doing!
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: liz
Tall kid: I don't like opiates in general. I'm for up, not down. At any rate, I have a fucking honky horn!
–Hunter College High School
Guy: I think I need to do more shrooms and acid.
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: Jordan
Girl to friend: You should try something natural, like shrooms.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Julie
Druggie clerk on cell: I mean: come on, man! That's my fucking apartment. If he wants to smoke weed or shoot up in my apartment, it's like, whatever. But crack? No. That's my fucking home. Seriously.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Emmy
Will Mary Kate Olsen Never Graduate?
Teacher: There is a kind of poison acid found in apple seeds.
Blonde: Is that how Johnny Appleseed died?
–NYU
Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip
Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.
–11th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Alex
Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.
–Dining Hall, NYU
Street vendor next to hot dog vendor: Get your Obama condoms! They go great with a pretzel!
–Times Square
Overheard by: not another tourist
15-year-old girl: Damn, nigga, I hope you flushed the condom, cuz they be using turkey basters for other shit now. They be taking the condom from the trash can and suck up the cum and put it in theyselves. I know, cuz I messed with a few niggaz who be telling me and I learn in sex ed!
–74 Bus, Staten Island
I'd Guess Lo-Fat, but I'm Not Sure.
Girl #1: Did you hear about Stacey?
Girl #2: What about her?
Girl #1: She got pregnant.
Girl #2: Oh really? What kind is it?
–NYU
…If I Have to Choose
Nurse: Do you live alone or do you live by yourself?
Patient: I live alone.
–NYU Hospital
Overheard by: Luis
Also Why He Forgot to Put Yeast in the Bread
Professor: And why did Moses lead the Jews out of Egypt?
Student: Because he was stoned.
–NYU