Lady: Let me get a half pound of ham, sliced thin,
Deli guy: Is this thin enough?
Lady: Yeah, so long as I can watch TV through it.
–Bensonhurst
Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category
Check Your Attitude While You’re At It
Bag check guy: I want your bag.
Comic book chick: Pardon?
Bag check guy: You know the rules. Give me your bag.
Comic book chick: Sorry, I didn’t know I had to check this.
Bag check guy: What did you think, that I’m just some crazy black man sitting up here harassing people?
Comic book chick: Could be.
Bag check guy: That’s true.
–Forbidden Planet, 13th Street
The Overprocessed Cow Flesh, However, is Feminine Enough
Where: Wendy’s, Caesar’s Bay Mom Customer: “Can you exchange this Kid’s Meal toy for me? I need something for a girl to play with.”
Yes, But Thoughts Are Usually A Penny
Street Vendor: Hey, hey, hey man, jewelry blow out special. Everything a dollar. Buy something nice for your wife for the holidays. One dollar!
Businessman: A dollar? I’m not gonna buy my wife jewelry for a dollar.
Street Vendor: It’s the thought that counts.
–57th and 8th
Overheard by: Josh Caldwell
…And Now, All the Bag Jews Follow Me
Stewardess: Please keep all your bags underneath the seat in front of you, cause I’m the bag Nazi and I’ll come back and yell at you! –Plane, LaGuardia
How Cheap Can You Get?
Woman: Oh! That’s one of the books I want you to get for me.
Man: I’m not sure if they have it at the library.
–Barnes & Noble, West Village
Overheard by: Caren Lissner
Smokers Resist Taking the Long View
Smoking hobo: Hey man, can I get a cigarette?
Smoking man: You're already smoking one.
Smoking hobo: Gotta plan for the future!
Smoking man: Now you wanna plan?
–12th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jay
Is That Slang for a Beejer?
French tourist girlfriend, arguing with boyfriend: Do you think I'm not being serious?I can't take it anymore!
French tourist boyfriend, with constant little smile: Tu trouverais pas cela plus stylé d'aller au bord de l'eau? (“Don't you think it would be much nicer to go on the waterfront?”)
(girlfriend leaves)
–Wall Street
Overheard by: Tom
Dammit, I Got Pictures, I Got Candy, I'm a Loveable Man
Random guy in car to four people trying to hail a cab: Hey, where are you going? I'll give you a lift.
Woman: Uh, no thanks.
Random guy: Really, anywhere you want to go, no problem.
Woman: We're fine. Thanks.
Random guy: Go fuck yourself! (zooms off)
–40th & Lexington
Overheard by: Rose Fox
And Thus Protected from Irony
Hobo: Can I get a dollar, so I can beat up hipsters and get booze?
Guy: I want to do that for free.
Hobo: Yeah, me too, but it's more fun when you're drunk.
–Driggs & 2nd St
Overheard by: Jppod