Guido: It just depends where you put your penis.
–South Street Seaport
Guido on cell: Can I get a blowjob with that too? (pause) Mmmm ,yeah. Where are you right now?
–Wagner College
Overheard by: Ferch
Guido: I'm about to go back to Men's Warehouse and be like, "what the fuck?"
–51st St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Puerto Rican girl: That's it! Koreans are like Asian Guidos! Except they don't tan…
–59th & 10th
Overheard by: shawn
Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category
Blame Jersey Shore, Not Me!
Guy with squash equipment #1: Let's squash.
Guy with squash equipment #2: We squashed her all night and we squished her all day.
Guy with squash equipment #1: That's disgusting.
–Gym, Columbia University
Overheard by: Nava
Raise Your Hand If You'd Love to See the Video
Conductor, after fat girl vomits and dances on it: Attention passengers, if you are going to vomit on this train, go to the bathroom. If you can not make it to the bathroom, vomit on yourself. Do not dance in your own vomit, and do not vomit on my train. Thank you.
–Babylon Line, Penn Station
Overheard by: Feta Cheese
Raise Your Hand If You'd Peek
Black man in suit and expensive loafers, on cell: Bring me the box, unopened. (cackles) Bring it to me.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Samantha
Bipolar Teenagers Are Lousy Audiences, Anyway
Comedy club guy: Come see a comedy show, it's way better than next to normal!
Teenage girl: Bitch, please.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ali
Uh-Oh, All My Secrets Are Falling Out
Drunk teenage girl, yelling: Just so all of you guys know, I am underage! (long pause, then to friend) Shit, I just told them we are underage! (long pause, then to woman) Hey, you! I love your hair!
–Q Train
The Best I Can Do Is Hostile Humming
Hot girl #1: He was into weird shit.
Hot girl #2: Like what?
Hot girl #1: Well, nothing too crazy. Just unusual stuff. Like, he liked me to say degrading things to him as I was blowing him. If it wasn't sufficiently degrading he couldn't get off.
Hot girl #2: That is weird.
Hot girl #1: Yeah, and I mean, for one, I'm not really comfortable with that; and second, it's really hard to talk with a dick in your mouth.
Hot girl #2, seriously: Totally.
–Wine Bar, East Village
Overheard by: I've noticed this too.
…And, Frankly, You're Lucky I'm Even Talking to You.
Man needing help: I need to get my passport renewed before I leave for a trip out of the country next week.
Lady at post office: We can expedite it, and you can have your new passport in two weeks.
Man needing help: But I'll be back from my trip to Mexico in less than two weeks.
Lady at post office: Well, we can expedite it and you'll get your passport back in two weeks.
–Post Office, Grand Central
Overheard by: Adam Lazarus
…You Can Beat Me Later.
Little kid: Grandma, I want a dollar.
Ghetto grandma: Nigga, we had to work to get money, sometimes we would get beat.
Little kid: Can I get my dollar now?
–The Bronx
Overheard by: Julio Pena
He Rarely Wears a Turban, Babe
Scene girl: Can I call the cab this time?
Stoner boyfriend: No.
Scene girl: Why not?
Stoner boyfriend: Because every time you do, you get in and scream “is this Cash Cab?!” Bitch, you're never gonna meet Ben Bailey.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: HerDreamsWereCrushed