Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category

Logs of Wednesday One-liners

Guy: You know, we really should do something with all that driftwood we brought back from Canada. –West Elm furniture, DUMBO Overheard by: Ashley The husband scoops dog shit in a clear plastic bag, swings it around and calls out to his wife: Hey, Marla! Ya hungry? Hot fudge, fresh from the oven! –Prince St. between Thompson & West Broadway

If The Facts Of Life Were Set Today, in New York

Overweight Asian lady: Excuse me, miss, I'm holding the pole, do you mind?
Black lady: I'm sorry, but there's nowhere I can move to.
Asian lady: Well, can you just please not lean on it? You're squashing my hand.
Black lady (looking at Asian lady in amazement at her audacity): What time is it?
Asian lady: I could tell you, if you would stop leaning on my hand.
Black lady: It's rush hour! If you're not ready for this go back to suburbia, bitch! This is what happens on an overcrowded train in New York City. Look at this bitch next to me, she barely fits in the door, and she's not complaining. You know why? Cause she accepts it. Cause it's a fact of life! And you takin' up the whole middle isle…shame on you…lose some weight…go back to suburbia. There's plenty of room there. –L Train Overheard by: that's right, rush hour is tight

…But He's My Son.

20-year-old female host: Can I help you with something?
12-year-old boy, staring at her: I just want to admire your body.
20-year-old female host: Excuse me?
12-year-old boy: You have a great body.
20-year-old female host: Ummmm, thanks…
12-year-old boy's friend: If I were you I'd leave, he's creepy.
20-year-old female host: I wish I could. –Restaurant, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liner's Last Dance with Mary Jane

Professor: We will talk about the JDC–the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee. And no, they were not dispensing marijuana. –Queens College Overheard by: ShaniP Trashy JAP on cell: So I told her I was selling, and that bitch was like, "Katrina, for how much?" And I was like "Oh my god, mom, it doesn't matter how much the weed is going for, all that matters is the quality!" –7th Ave, Park Slope Overheard by: penelope Random stranger to teens: You want to buy some weed? Just come back to my mom's house! –Union Square Overheard by: Rhian College student on cell: Mom, you've got to stop smoking so much weed. I mean, fuck! –Time Square Random dude on street: I got it all! Liquor, alcohol, marijuana, Chips Ahoy! I got it! –44th & Broadway Overheard by: Lagster Street vendor: Prada bags, Louis Vuitton bags, Gucci bags, marijuana bags… (everyone looks over at him) Hey, I gotta make money somehow. –Times Square Overheard by: mary jane

Who Says Life's No Picnic for New Yorkers?

Heavy-set and sweaty bus driver to woman with pizza: Lemme…uh…have that pizza. (woman smiles awkwardly, thinking it's a joke) I wasn't kidding. Lemme have that pizza. (woman holding a bag of cookies gets on bus with child)
Heavy-set and sweaty bus driver: Oh, lemme just…uh uh…have one of these…uh uh…cookies. (takes cookie)
Small Asian woman (taken aback and extremely confused): What? You can't take these.
(bus driver stuffs cookie in mouth and ignores woman)
Bus driver, on PA: Lady, these are some good cookies. –Uptown Bus to Met from Port Authority

Wednesday One-Liners Crank the Woofers

Suit: So what you really need to do is put together a social networking site for dogs. –Barfly, 20th & 3rd Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson Woman: I swear, my parents are only coming to visit so they can see my dog. Honest! –Searchlight, 11th & University Overheard by: MissPinkKate Conductor: Will the man with the small dog in the plastic bag please leave the train. That is not a safe way to be transporting a dog. Thank you. –Bay Head Train Guy riding past on a bike, yelling into his cell: Baby! If the dog is talking, that means one of two things… –24th Ave, Astoria Overheard by: sara n. Woman on cell: But it's not just any day of the year! It's Yom Kippur! (listens) Fuck you, Dave! Fuck you, and fuck your dog! –Prince St Overheard by: elle Woman in elevator on cell (coming from attorney's office): You won't believe what he did! First he staged photos of me in bed with a dog. Then I turn the page and it's me in bed with my next door neighbor! –Vesey St

There Are No Small Wednesdays– Only Small One-Liners.

Girl on cell, defiantly: Listen, I can keep my midget in your closet whenever I damn please! –72nd & Columbus Man handing out cards to random passers-by: They have midget strippers, buddy, and you can bring your guitar! –42nd & 7th Overheard by: Katy Guy, to friend: You can't call yourself a grown man if you sit down and your feet dangle off the chair. –Victoria's Secret Overheard by: Emm Black guy pushing cart: Man, I miss my two-headed midget friend… He was my best man. –Union Square Woman on cell: Have I been an angry little munchkin? –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: TheMac