Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category

Funny You Should Say That

Student conducting survey: Would you like to take a survey?
Girl: What's it about?
Student: Well, I can't tell you what it is about, but it only takes three minutes, and if you don't like it, you can stop at any time and still get a . . .
Girl, cutting him off: Okay, but it won't make me want to kill myself like every other survey I take?

–Columbia University, Lerner Hall

Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am One-Liners

Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.

–45th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Morgan

Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!

–6 Train Station

Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!

–23rd & 9th

Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: David Fishkind

Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alexandra

The Same People Who Read Nicholas Sparks?

Poet, selling books: All of these books are signed, and when I go on Oprah, you can sell them on eBay!
Passenger: Let’s hear a poem then!
Poet: You wanna hear a poem? “Neighbor’s dog leaving feces on the sidewalk. Squish! Damn. Luck stinks.”
Old man, mumbling: Who wants to read that kind of bullshit?

–6 Train

Wednesday One-Liners, the People's Chariot

Ghetto fab bus driver : Hello and good morning. Welcome to the Bolt Bus, my name is Jacques and I'm going to be your operator today. We do appreciate your business. Well, I appreciate your business. For my nails. Getting my hair done. Yeah.

–BoltBus

Overheard by: Julie and Mark The Snob

Bus driver (as bus leaves Lexington stop): The stop after this stop will be the next stop.
(as bus turns into Central Park) Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop will be Central Park West. Please have your passports ready.

–Crosstown Bus

Bus driver over intercom (as bus passes Unisphere): Oh, everyone's from New York? Then y'all already know this spot! I can't tell you nothing! Bye.

–Shuttle Bus, Flushing Meadows Park

Conductor: Good morning! This is the bus dispatcher. It's a sunny 78 degrees on a beautiful Wednesday! I'm happy to report the bus lanes inbound to New York are slicing through traffic like a hot knife through butter! Enjoy your day, control center, out.

–NJ Transit Bus

Overheard by: Jerzey…CloseEnough

Conductor: Alright folks, remember to keep cool today and drink plenty of water. I recommend ya'll eat some Honey Nut Cheerios. Honey Nut Cheerios will make ya'll nicer to each other. Stay away from that bacon and eggs. Too hot. Yes, Honey Nut Cheerios. Have a nice day.

–B61 Bus

Overheard by: should have eaten breakfast