No wonder the dot-coms went under

Techie: …and there was a strong correlation between the last two digits of their social security numbers and how much they spent on the site! – Office, midtown

Pencil Envy

A boss approaches his employee, holding up two pieces of lead for a retractable pencil. Boss: I don’t ask you to do much, but can you tell me which one of these is bigger? –UES Overheard by: Mindi Laine

The Scream Guy

Business executive: We can use that grassroots, online community-building and marketing to create lots of support for the product, just like…. the scream guy did.
Low-level employee: Uh, you mean Howard Dean?
Business executive: Yes, just like Howard Dean did! – An office in Midtown

What Is He, A Dentist?

Crone: It’s 2:30! Shoot me, please. Why did I ever marry that man? –Office, 36th Street

I’m Like a Chocoholic, Except with Vodka

Employee: I bring my beer in the shower with me and I put it on the ledge so it doesn’t get wet. Sometimes I also have a couple of shots in the kitchen. –Office, Midtown Overheard by: Jenny Rogers

OverheardInNewYork Meets OverheardInTheOffice

Woman on phone: No, my nose isn’t big by New York standards, but in Texas it’s huge. –Midtown office

It’s All Greek to Me

Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee. –Midtown office

I’m Thankful for My Alcoholism

Businesschick: Are you still with that girl?
Businessguy: No. She kept trying to get me to go to AA. One night out with me and you’ll see..!
Businesschick: Oh, I’ve seen the aftermath. The stitches, the blood. –Midtown Office

Welcome to NY; Hurry the Hell Up

Woman: So I asked for a slice with mushrooms, and the girl’s like ‘Well, can you wait?’, and I’m like ‘This is New York! No, I can’t wait!’ –Association of Graphic Communications, 7th Avenue

The Etymology of the Absurd

Fax Guy: I never made that bet with you. We didn’t shake on it.
Fax Girl: You can’t do that. We had a bet. You believe this shit? He’s trying to renig on the bet.
Tech Guy: Um, isn’t the term renege? Like, short for renegotiate.
Tech Girl: Not with this nigger it’s not. –Downtown Office