Old Woman: Oh, I just feel so gassy. I’ve got so much gas. –Public Library, Bensonhurst
An older woman, ordering very slowly at a Starbucks in Vancouver, “should I get the large or the medium, oh I don’t know, I’m not really sure how thirsty I am…. ” She then turns to the six people waiting online behind her, including your correspondent, and says, “I know I’m going slowly, so you all can go in front of me” To which everyone else waiting on line behind her says in unison, “no, take your time” and “it’s okay, don’t worry about it” and “we’re not in a rush”
Old Woman: You’re not making fun of my hat, are you? Better not be. Lots of flowers on this hat, it’s a fine hat. I love this hat. Your problem is, you got no love in you. Not for hats, not for nothing. –McDonalds, St. Mark’s Place
An old woman is drumming up contributions for the SPCA.
Young Man: Good luck!
Old Woman: We don’t need luck, we need cooperation. Does Bush say good luck to the soldiers? No, he just sends in more troops! Come on! Don’t be a phony. –Kinko’s, 20th St. and 6th Ave. Overheard by: Lucian Piane
Young man in a cafe in Williamsburg: “So, what do you do?”
Older man: “I’m an artist–and one of my works is in the Whitney.” – Grand Cafe, Williamsburg
The train coming from New Jersey arrives in New York. An Elderly Italian man turns to his friends and says: Aah, back to civilization! –Penn Station Overheard by: Kaitlen
Old man: Well, it’s colder out there than a mother-in-law’s kiss. –Snack Taverna, Bedford St. Overheard by: Aria Sloss
An old lady is crossing the street with a small dachshund. As they approach Gray’s Papaya, the woman looks down and asks: Jimmy, did you say you wanted a hot dog? –72nd & Broadway Overheard by: Jonathan
Girl getting out of the car: I wish I had a talent other than parallel parking… –Park Slope An old man, bent over and hobbling with his cane, says apropos of nothing: I’ve got to make a list. –7th Ave. Overheard by: Andrea Vaughn
Old Coot: When you take over someone’s empire, you get more of them coming in. I turned on the ball game, and the stadium was all Spanish! This guy came to talk to me from the Daily News, and it turned out to be El Diario! –Carmine St.