Old Man: You put your hands on me again, I’ll cut your fucking throat. –Post Office, Bensonhurst
Archive for the ‘Old People’ Category
Who Says No Classy People Ride the Bus?
Old lady (looking directly at Hispanic woman and her baby): They don’t speak English and they don’t wanna learn. They just want pay from America. They hate our guts.
[to baby]: Give your Mommy a kiss!
–B6 Bus, Brooklyn
Sssh! This is a Library!
Old Woman: Oh, I just feel so gassy. I’ve got so much gas. –Public Library, Bensonhurst
You know you’re NOT in New York when…
An older woman, ordering very slowly at a Starbucks in Vancouver, “should I get the large or the medium, oh I don’t know, I’m not really sure how thirsty I am…. ” She then turns to the six people waiting online behind her, including your correspondent, and says, “I know I’m going slowly, so you all can go in front of me” To which everyone else waiting on line behind her says in unison, “no, take your time” and “it’s okay, don’t worry about it” and “we’re not in a rush”
We Desire Wednesday One-liners
Girl getting out of the car: I wish I had a talent other than parallel parking… –Park Slope An old man, bent over and hobbling with his cane, says apropos of nothing: I’ve got to make a list. –7th Ave. Overheard by: Andrea Vaughn
Let’s All Laugh at the Elderly
Old Woman #1: …I like that too. You know what’s good? I like to eat that pissghetti.
Old Woman #2: Yeah, that stuff is good.
Old Woman #1: But they should give it a better name.
–Bronx Supreme Court building
Overheard by: The Evil Sneeze
“…especially if you wash them down with some fried chicken.”
Woman, 50s: I eat Cheerios every morning.
Man, 50s: Cheerios are good for your heart.
–Popeye’s, Bay Ridge
Here’s a confident artist
Young man in a cafe in Williamsburg: “So, what do you do?”
Older man: “I’m an artist–and one of my works is in the Whitney.”
– Grand Cafe, Williamsburg
Wednesday One-liners
Old Southern Man: …so I said, if yer stoopid, you shouldn’t try and show it; you should try and hide it. –Soho NYU Guy: I didn’t wear my moccasins today, Arthur, and I’m still freezing! –W. 13th St. Overheard by: Dan Winckler
The Wizened and Wise Diet
The cashier scans an old lady’s ricotta cheese.
Cashier: Why didn’t you get the bigger one?
Old Lady: ‘Cause I’ll eat it all! This way I have a limit.
–Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst