Archive for the ‘Old People’ Category

Wednesday One-Linezillas

Teenage bride-to-be on cell: …yeah. But, no, I’m totally ready to walk across the aisle. –Target, South Bronx Overheard by: so this is the bronx Suit: You expect me to spend the rest of my life with only one woman? One woman? One godforsaken woman?

–42nd St & Madison Hula hoop guy to tourist couple: Sir! I’ll show you! You don’t have to do it, but hula hoops have saved a lot of marriages! –Washington Square Park Old woman to imaginary friend: I’d make a great wife, mothafucka! –F train Overheard by: Trying Not to Laugh Girl: Can I do your brother at one of your weddings? –Monitor St, Brooklyn Young woman on cell: Well yeah, but he didn’t sleep with your bridesmaids. –82nd & Lex Man on cell: Ok, fine! You want to get married? –Upper West Side

Wednesday Undie-Liners

College girl on cell: So as of last weekend I've pledged to be celibate for a year…although on second thought, it should really start today. I got pretty trashed last night and this morning I couldn't find the underwear I was wearing yesterday.

–Church St

Overheard by: Emma

20-something woman: Did you enjoy the bra fitting? Old lady grab your bits?

–Outside Town Shop

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Elderly woman examining bras: What's with all this padding? I got my own damn titties!

–H&M, 5th Ave

Overheard by: titti-less

Eight-year-old in a suit jacket on cell, strutting around the store: Did you see any hot, sexy girls? Yeah, but were they hot and sexy? Where are you, man? Are you still in the underwear aisle? Yeah, but are you still by the panties? (louder) The panties!

–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca

Overheard by: emdeebee

Trashy girl walking funny: Well, I guess I should have worn underwear.

–Arthur Ave

Wednesday One-liners Hate Beacon’s Closet

Man …you better get in, nobody over 30 is allowed to walk here anymore. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Sam Cohen Old man: It’s like crap without a toilet! Goddamn rock and roll generation! Get the fuck out of here before I shoot every last one of you! –Williamsburg Overheard by: nj Hipster guy: I had so many magical adventures here last summer, it’s not even funny. –Williamsburg Girl: Yeah, and I mean a lot of rumors about me are true, but that one isn’t. –Union pool, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-liners Lost Their MetroCard

Hipster guy: Dude, he always blames it on the train dispatcher. He needs to own his problems, you know? –F train Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo

Pop Quiz: Which One Was Raised by a Monkey?

Old lady when boy gives up his seat: What a nice boy! Thank you!
Boy #1: Well, my mom raised me well. It was the belt — she only had to use it once, and then I just knew, you know?
Chick: Ohhh, yeah, for me it was a wooden spoon.
Boy #2: Oranges. She used to throw oranges at my face.

–2/3 train

Overheard by: Katie Koeblitz