Archive for the ‘Old People’ Category

Nothing Quite as Cultured as Interjecting with a Slur

White guy: Alien vs. Predator was such a bad movie.
Black guy: Tell me something. Where do Alien and Predator come from?
White guy: What do you mean? They come from somebody’s imagination, of course.
Black guy: No, I mean what movies they came from.
White guy: You are aware that there was a movie called Alien and there was another called Predator.
Black guy: Nope, never even heard of them.
Old man: Learn the culture, nigger! –Q46 bus Overheard by: Ting

Wednesday One-Liners Do the Vatican Rag

Suit on cell: No, I’m not coming in today…I’m on the Upper East Side. There’s all this traffic from the Pope’s "Don’t sodomize the kids" world tour.

–83rd & Lex

Guy at bar: Most Popes hate Jews.

–6th and D

Gamer kid: Yeah, I was in DC this weekend with the Pope… Yeah, I saw that muthafucka.

–218th & Park Terrace West

Overheard by: Kelley

Old lady, about young girl: Oh, she looks nice. She’s wearing Pope shoes.

–Carmine St

Overheard by: arctinus

Wednesday One-Liners for Hezbollah

Officer to old lady: Hey, don't leave you bag on the floor, there are terrorist everywhere.

–45th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: StriderNo9

Suit on cell: So you're gonna vote for a Muslim and a terrorist?

–MoMA

Hipster to friend: Yeah, terrorists totally love Bush.

–46th and 9th

Overheard by: choosing not to capitalize the B

Tourist: Are you guys terrorists?

–Rally for Gaza, 42nd & 7th

Overheard by: ooga booga

Loud black queer teen: But his best joke was like "What do you call people who hate ketchup?" (no response) "Al-Qaeda!" (bursts out laughing) Get it? It's funny because they don't have ketchup in Iraq!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ketchup lover

That's the Last Time I'll Try Something New, “Just for Kicks.”

Oldish lady #1: So, how have you been?
Oldish lady #2: Well, I just had a horrible experience! People always told me that ultrasounds were worse than childbirth, and I never believed them. You know, I never had children. But really! They were doing an ultrasound and I've never experienced anything more painful in my entire life! And then they couldn't find my gallbladder! It was horrible!

–37 Arts, W 37th St

Overheard by: hunterfosterspitsalot

What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Julium

Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color.

–Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!

–Union Square

Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: molly

Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue.

–Hill Country BBQ

Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.

Show Me the Wednesday One-Liners!

Angry teen on cell: I'm not gonna pay 18 dollars for a wedgie!

–Lingerie Department, Macy's

Overheard by: me neither

Girl on cell: I don't have a problem with camping, but why do they have to give me a sleeping bag? Can't they give me linens? It's not like I'm not giving them an insignificant amount of money.

–W Broadway & Grand

Suit on cell: At first I was only making $30,000 a year, but last year I got shot in the foot, and then I got a $1,000 bonus, so now I'm making $32,000 a year. Shit!

–F Train

Overheard by: Brittany Smith

Loud woman on cell: I like and don't mind fucking you, but I need to get paid. I'm unemployed right now.

–108th & Broadway

Elevator operator for observatory, upon leaving: Please come again! We want your money.

–Empire State Building

Old guy in dark suit to young guy in dark suit: You're not embezzling money!

–48th & 8th

Bob Dole Has Fallen on Not-So-Hard Times

Pharmacist: Hi, sir, can I help you?
Old man: I need to refill my pills.
Pharmacist: Which pills, sir?
Old man: You know, my pills.
Pharmacist: Sir, you are on eight different medications. Can you maybe describe the color or shape of the one you want? Or maybe what it does?
Old man: I just want my pills, dammit!
Pharmacist: Sir, I can’t refill them if you don’t tell me what they are.
Old man: My pills! The blue ones! You know, the man-agra!

–CVS/pharmacy

Overheard by: Amused customer in line

Stupid Tourists: Epidemic or Illusion?

Girl: Excuse me, which of these trains goes to Manhattan?
Suit: Shut up. –34th Street N/Q/R/W station Southern woman: Oh! Are you a performer?
Chick: Yes, I’m studying acting and musical theater.
Southern woman: Wow! That’s so amazing! Maybe we’ll see you on Broadway one of these days! Good luck!
Chick: Thanks! She leaves the train. Southern woman: Yeah, right. Ha, ha, ha! –1 train Old man: Is that a theater?
Old woman: No, it’s a McDonalds. –42nd between 7th & 8th Overheard by: Adam Grosswirth