Archive for the ‘On Cell’ Category

Parts Of Wednesday One-Liners Are Really Quite Nice

Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters? –Penn Station Overheard by: Erin and Willa Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!" –Rivington & Essex Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes. –2 Train Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore! –5th Ave & 86th Overheard by: GerMan in NY Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey! –New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay. –1st & St. Mark's

Wednesday One-Liners Want You to Know About the Size of Their Bank Accounts

Yuppie on cell (trying to be discreet): Hey mom. Are you busy? Could you Google Maps me? I'm on Houston and West Broadway. Yeah, I didn't want to ask anyone for directions and make a fool of myself. Although I'm pretty sure I just did, because half of this coffee shop is looking at me now. –W Houston Overheard by: Let's face it, we were all new at one point. 40-something yuppie woman: And then I realized that my biggest problem in life is that most of the time I'm incredibly happy, but I'm not aware of how happy I am. –81st & Madison Yuppie dad to seven-year-old daughter: Now when you start buying iPods, that's when you're going to want to have a Visa card. –Stanton & Christie Overheard by: Ross Three-year-old yuppie spawn: Noooooooooooo! I don't want Pad Thai! I want sushi! –Dice Thai, Prospect Park Overheard by: I'll take sushi too but you're payin', kid

Wednesday One-liners for Fuck Machines

Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom. –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: V Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents! –Pathmark, Massapequa Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead? Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults. –Columbia University Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not. –Columbia University Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun." –Grand Central Overheard by: galgal

Read My Lips, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: No I'm not bringing anything, this is not a date, it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night. I'm bringing my vagina, that's what I'm bringing. –Court St & 2nd Place Girl on cell: I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong with my vagina! –23rd & 7th Girl on bike: I feel like I've had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours! –Hudson River Bike Path Distraught NYU student: I'm covered in vaginal cream. –NYU Dorm, Union Square Overheard by: Erica Fuld Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can't just sniff anyone's vagina! –W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like? –Chelsea Overheard by: Liz

Wednesday One-Liners: Fact or Fiction?

Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies. –Manhattan Theatre Source Overheard by: Emily B. Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard. –Dorm, Pratt Institute College student: Ghosts? They're like VT! –186th St & Amsterdam Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes! –Penn Station Overheard by: emily d. Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway! –Union Square Subway Entrance Overheard by: Masked Avenger

Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies. –Hallway, CCNY Overheard by: ladyliver Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on. –1250 Broadway Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed… –Smoke Shop, Park Slope Overheard by: Kiri Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy. –Good Stuff Diner, 14th St Overheard by: Kosi Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn. –Port Authority Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental. –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: Lillian