Archive for the ‘On Cell’ Category

Wednesday One-liners

Girl on cell: I shit you not, it was a small studio apartment converted into a four bedroom on the 6th floor. –47th & 9th Fat suit on cell: How many people play the drums in Poland, really?…What? Wow. Cool. Well, plenty of time to practice I guess. –Penn Station Overheard by: Max T-M MTV chick: When I used to read, I went from the last chapter to the first. –MTV cafeteria Hipster: They’re always on the same train, so the first time you give them money, then remember your face. Every time you get on the train after that, they’ll follow you around. It’s like having your own 6-foot pet! –1 train Overheard by: spike

Scrooge McDuck’s Wednesday One-Liners

Fashionista to another: It didn’t taste that good, but I really needed the money.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: John Galt Jr.

Fashion student: The thing I can’t stand about fine arts is how obsessed with money it’s become… Yeah, so I’m leaving the program to study advertising.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: nova scotia

Security guard to another: I ain’t here for the money. I’m here for the fuckin’ prestige.

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber Star

White chick on cell: Hi, honey! How are you? Are you being tickled by coins? Are you being tickled by coins?!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: mela

Guy on corner: Can you spare any change or frequent flyer miles?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Scientific

Frumpy lady to Joey Ramone lookalike: I’m feeling awfully constipated, baby! Constipated with money is the way I like to be!

–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge

How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?

50-something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non-stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks.

–Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria

(little girl finishes petting a stranger's dog)
Girl's mother
: Now say "thank you" to its human.


–Central Park Lawn

Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut?

–La Pallette, 12th St

Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy's paws smell really seal it.

–Rosa's Pizza, Penn Station

Overheard by: Craig

The Liquid Assets Of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. There is a problem with a signal and there are trains in front of us. The good news is, there's a bar car!

–Metro North

Overheard by: Anna

Obese lady buying pork chops to obese friend: I be cutting down on on soda.

–Troy Ave & Park Place

Exasperated woman: And he was drinking Jack Daniels before he even got to my place…

–3rd & 6th

Overheard by: j

Female suit on cell: Well, what do you expect? It was green Gatorade and grain alcohol!

–Broadway & 54th St

Overheard by: Loren

Bag lady to another: Listen, Alice, if you don't want to lose your leg, you gotta drink water, they'll take your legs otherwise.

–42nd St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Robin

Frantic woman on cell: Oh my god! There is no soy milk anywhere in this city! (sprints out of Starbucks)

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: ellie

Tough guy outside bar with friends: So I like apple juice. What the fuck?

–East Village

Hella Good Wednesday One-Liners

Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.

–C Train

Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.

–23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Louisa

Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!

–93rd St, Bay Ridge

Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BK

Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Celia

Wednesday One-Liners and the Utterly Unsatisfying Conclusion

Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter?

–Vivi Bubble Tea Bar

Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans."

–8th Ave & Horatio St

Overheard by: Jean Ann

Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns… How does Harry Potter stand it?

–Columbia University Business School Graduation

Overheard by: Jen

Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man… that's it? That was a lap dance!

–42nd Street Movie Theater

Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work?

–Brooklyn Theater

Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)

Cromulent Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Yeah, they say that now in France they’re banning Muslim women from wearing overalls. –Hunter College Overheard by: H. Chan Black woman on cell: …and then she says to me “I like that song!” and I go, “Yeah, well I like fish and avocado peels.” –Port Authority Overheard by: Fernando Taveras Guy: If you was dead, then you’d know what I’m talkin’ ’bout. –J train

Well You Did Ask What she Was On

Girl and guy walking, guy gets text message.
Girl
: What did she say?

Guy: She said ‘K.’
Girl: ‘K?’
Guy: Yes ‘K’… I spent 30 cents so she can tell me ‘K.’

–Target, Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jubilee