Schoolgirl: I’m the only one at school that wears wild stockings. –M79 Bus Overheard by: Fred Weiner
Archive for the ‘On the Bus’ Category
Who Says No Classy People Ride the Bus?
Old lady (looking directly at Hispanic woman and her baby): They don’t speak English and they don’t wanna learn. They just want pay from America. They hate our guts.
[to baby]: Give your Mommy a kiss!
–B6 Bus, Brooklyn
Your Way. Go Away.
Fat Chick: Thank God. Cheryl! It’s the Golden Arches! –Bus Entering Port Authority
It’s All Greek to Me
Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.
–Midtown office
How Do You Pick a Pickle?
Boy: Yo, that’s an oxymoron. That’s like saying ‘Peter picked a pail of pickles’ and he’s a vegetarian. –Q111 bus, Jamaica Ave
Paging Boris Badinoff
Russian girl #1: Stop calling me that!
Russian girl #2: What’s wrong?
Russian girl #1: She keeps on calling me Natasha!
Russian girl #2: What’s wrong with that?
Russian girl #1: Because that’s not my name!
–B82 Bus
Head of the Class
Russian girl #1: You’re not in my Russian class.
Russian girl #2: Oh, I’m sorry. You have advanced Russian.
Russian girl #1: Everything I have is advanced.
Russian girl #2: Shut up.
–B82 Bus
Wednesdsay Caniners
Middle-aged suit to another: You definitely don't want to be on the streets with three miniature Dachshunds on the loose.
–46th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: alexander
Guy at dinner with friends: No, slapping her ass isn't perverted, it's just inappropriate. Perverted would be jerking off onto my dog's face or some shit.
–23rd & 10th
Overheard by: Matt
White gay man to another: Every time I see a dog chained to a parking meter and the owner is like in the store, it makes me want to call the NAACP.
–M7 Bus
Overheard by: HarlemAllDay
Ghetto woman on cell: A Maltese dog. A Maltese! (pause) One of them little dogs that don't never grow.
–27th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Katherine
Flamboyant gay man to couple pushing bulldog in stroller: Oh my god! Your dog ate your baby!
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Sarah
Frau Blücher: He Vass My Vednesday Vun-Liner!
Guy to girl in subway: I was your boyfriend in third grade, don't you remember? You left me for Tyrone because he had the 64-pack of crayons.
–BX 41 Bus
Overheard by: Stacey V
Slutty hipster on cell: Why do you keep saying "Jew" boyfriend?
–Bowery & 4th
Girl to friend: Wait, do you mean my boyfriends in general, or just my Jewish boyfriends?
–David's 24-Hour Bakery
Overheard by: Caroline
Male economics professor: You get your first boyfriend, and your satisfaction is huge. But then, you get three more boyfriends. Have any of you experienced having four boyfriends? Sometimes, they give you a headache.
–Pratt Institute
Translation: Violent Offenders Get Me Hard
Older lady: I slit my brother's throat one time.
Guy: Uhhh…
Older lady: Well, I didn't mean to… It was kind of an accident.
Guy: These things happen…
–Bus Stop, Priest & Elliot
Overheard by: Trent