Jerk: I love making fun of the German. I love making fun of the French, too. I’m an equal opportunity destroyer. –D Train
Pastry Shop Worker: Is anyone willing to give up their seat for a girl that has to stand on her feet all day?
Train Riders: [SILENCE]
Pastry Shop Worker: Come on, all you guys just go sit in front of your computers every day, how damn hard is that? I have to make shit for people and stand on my feet all day. You people are so selfish! –6 Train
Mom: Don’t ever disrespect your mother! You can always disrespect your father. All what your father did was to shoot the sperm. Your mother is the one who brought you out to this world. No matter what happens, don’t ever disrespect your mother! –D Train
A little boy sees his mom’s reflection in the window. Boy: Mommy, are you a ghost? –2 Train
Girl: When I was a kid my parents bought me everything I wanted.
Guy: Well yeah, you were really spoiled.
Girl: No, I was highly entertained.
Guy: You were spoiled. You got everything, right?
Guy: So you were spoiled.
Girl: You don’t understand. I didn’t cry or whine. My parents just bought me everything. –N Train
Two boys, both about 10, are thoroughly engrossed in their Game Boys.
First boy: My mother’s a lesbian.
Second boy: So is mine. –#1 Train
Two women are seated across from each other on the train. One has a long object in a soft-sided container.
First woman: Is that a bassoon?
Second woman: No. It’s a sword. –C Train
20-something (to boyfriend): Janet said that no boyfriends were invited to her party. But she then made exceptions, for different reasons, for the boyfriends of every other girl who is invited to the party who has a boyfriend. Except for you. So I’m worried that she may not like you. –F train
Fat tourist: A, I hate Spongebob. B, I’ll see you over the summer. –R train Overheard by: Laurea de Ocampo
Meathead: I want to get the Jesus fish tattooed on my back with the Greek letters in it. But my Mom even has a problem with that! –D train