Archive for the ‘On the Subway’ Category

That’s Called Gorgonorrhea

Girl #1: I still can’t believe he cheated on you with her.
Girl #2: I know, right? Like, what does she have that I don’t?
Girl #1: I don’t know. Bigger tits?
Girl #2: Who cares? Mine are nicer. Plus I bet you I could do anything and everything better than her in bed. And, she’s slept with so many people that I bet her vagina is fucking sagging.
Girl #1: Yeah, they probably wouldn’t be able to tell if it was even in yet. Besides, you could probably catch an STD just by looking at her. –E train Overheard by: amanda

Wednesday One-liners for Jung

Hobo: I was talking to my therapist and she said, “Would you rather hurt yourself or someone else?” And I started to say “myself” but then I thought she didn’t want to hear that. So I told her that I would hurt someone else. That seemed more sane. –1 train Overheard by: James Gillece

Cherry-Poppin’ Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: Oh my god, the last time I knew you I was a virgin!

–No Idea Bar, 20th St, between Broadway & Park

Overheard by: Jas

Old lady: Enter the train… She ain’t no virgin! Get in, get in!

–F train platform

Overheard by: Ritika

Crazy religious guy: The pope is a liar! He says that Mary’s a virgin as of today. That’s a lie! After Jesus was born, Mary and Joseph got married. You’re tellin’ me that they got married, but Joseph wasn’t hittin’ that?

–4 train

Bleached blonde to boyfriend: As far as my father is concerned, he thinks I am still a virgin… No, actually, there was that one summer he thought I was pregnant because I got fat…

–N train to Astoria

God squad lady: I have a two-month-old son, and I’m praying for his virginity.

–L train

Overheard by: Errol Stairpath

The Country Finally Gets the Wednesday One-Liner It Deserves

20-something guy to five-year-old boy: No, Wolverine and Barack Obama are not the same person.

–Hudson Park Soccer Pitch

Overheard by: Kelli Jo

Swag guy: Get your Obama condoms, put it on when times get hard.

–7th Ave & 47th St

Overheard by: Oh no he didn't….

Hobo on train: Look at these two girls! If we get married we can make another Obama!

–4 Train

Cute boy: Captain Kirk is the Bush to Picard's Obama.

–Kent Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Trekkie

Diner to companion: Since Obama's been President, North Korea has fired like two missiles. They're testing his foreign policy, uh, you know, they're testing his gallstones.

–Teddy's Restaurant, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ken Yapelli

Sock street vendor to passersby: Socks! One dollar, one dollar! One dollar!
(nobody pays attention) Socks! One dollar! Obama! One dollar! Obama! (a few pedestrians stop to browse through his socks)

–New Chinatown, Flushing, Queens

Wednesday One-Liners Run the Other Underground Railroad

Conductor: This is the 3:07 off peak train to Huntington. Stopping at Woodside, Jamaica, New Hyde Park…blah, blah, blah, you get the idea. Watch the gap. (clicks microphone off)

–LIRR

Conductor: There's a 2 express train right across the platform. Ready, set, go!

–1 Train

Conductor: There's a Brighton Beach-bound b train across the platform. Say that three times fast.

–F Train

Overheard by: Thom Cohen

Conductor: Ladies and gentleman, I have a very important announcement: this is not the last helicopter out of Saigon. I repeat, this is not the last helicopter out of Saigon. There will be another train after this one, and another one after that.

–Downtown 2 Train

Train conductor: This message is for the young man who stepped to the edge of the platform at the front of the train. This train feels no pain, this train has no brain. How about you?

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Guitarbuyer

Bus driver: This is East 18th Street. If you get off here, you'll be at the q train faster. If you choose to not use your god-given walking ability, the q train is next.

–B11 Bus

Overheard by: not using her god given walking ability

Conductor: This is 96th Street. Next stop, 103rd. Everyone ready? And away we go!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ali