Drunk: Where’s my boy, man? –Odessa, Ave. A
Young woman on the subway to her friend: “It WAS incest! Can you imagine if your brother slept with your mother? UGH!!!”
Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at your dick.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at ass.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at pussy.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at your balls.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You’re gay.
Little Chinese Boy #2: Faggot. –W Train
Drunken passenger: Someone farted up in here. Shit smell like AIDS, man. –W Train
Actor speaking on his cell phone on the subway: “I’m starring in a play called Andorra, about a fictional country in Europe.”
Woman: Excuse me. Excuse me!
Big guy: Sorry miss, the train’s crowded.
Woman: No, I don’t care! I do not need you on top of me.
Big Guy: …maybe you do. –A train
Guy: When you play tennis, do you ever accidentally buy a can of Pringles instead of the can of balls?
Girl: Um…no. –D train Overheard by: Mike Lee
Crazy: So I had to get fillings in all of my teeth.
Passenger: Uh huh.
Crazy: But I figured, why let them do that to me after they drilled holes in my brain, ya know?
Crazy: But I figured, might as well! Although if they were going to fill my teeth, I’d want them to use jelly.
Crazy: But the guy at the counter said they were out of jelly. So I got a blueberry muffin.
Overheard by: Johnny Shizzle
Woman in her 50s: “She used to drink on weekends, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And then she got scared she was going to start drinking Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. So she went to AA and hasn’t touched a drop since, she’s a sponsor too. That was 15 years ago. Now she’s 33 and she went back to school. She just became a paralegal and makes $950 a month. She didn’t want to be one of those low people.” –W Train
A young girl selling M&Ms on the A train: “Hey, I’m not here for no basketball team or anything, but if ya’ll want to give me some money, that’s cool.” Note: she got quite a few sales, as well as a guy’s number