Hipster Chick: So she’s the heiress to like–what, K-mart or some shit?–and she can’t afford to buy us all drinks? Fuck her! –D Train
Mom: What are you, stupid? 14 minus 34 is not 30 blocks. It’s ten!
Daughter: No it’s not.
Mom: Oh yeah, wait. It’s twenty. –3 Train Overheard by: Rehey11
Student #1: Next question.
Student #2: Of the Federalist writers, who was the most suspicious of majority rule?
Student #1: Hamilton, right? He had the toughest stand on public rule.
Student #3: Wasn’t so tough against Raymond Burr.
Student #2: What?
Student #3: You know. The dude who shot him.
Student #1: Aaron. Aaron Burr. Dumb fuck. –4 train Overheard by: Terence
HS Kid: One of my best friends is named Caesar actually…ha ha, actually he hates salad. –L Train Overheard by: Greg Rutter
White Muslim Woman: The women who were sitting here were laughing at me because of how I look. I’m a social worker. Some of my clients are OMRDD so I read lips real well. Because I’m Muslim they didn’t like my outfit. They think we don’t care about how we dress. I was actually Krishna before I was Muslim. The Christmas holidays, the spirit is supposed to be giving. My daughter’s Christian still. That’s why I’m laughing. In my house we used to have Kwanzaa, everything. I knew my husband for three years. I taught him English. I was his teacher! I just converted. Reversion, they call it. Then two weeks later we got married. English I taught him and he was teaching me Arabic. We met in a store ’cause they have restrictions about coming up to a woman’s apartment…They don’t think you understand English, but I speak Spanish and Italian. One time this lady said she thought I was disgusting. I told her “You’re disgusting!” in Spanish. I was peeing my pants. I was hysterical. –D Train
Yuppie: So I said to him, “But I’m a team player” and then he looked at me and said, “Yeah, my dog’s a team player” and ever since then, I’ve been trying to think of a witty comeback but I haven’t. – 6 Train
High School Girl: Yeah, he’s like older, and really successful and stuff.
High School Guy: Is he critical?
High School Girl: Yeah. Totally critical. –6 Train
Russian Man: Don’t push.
Spanish Lady: This is the subway. What do you expect?
Russian Man: Well, you don’t have to push.
Spanish Lady: Welcome to New York City!
Russan Woman: Yeah, welcome to New York City.
Spanish Lady: You welcoming me? You’re the one with the accent! –L Train
Old Friend #1: I can’t believe how long it’s been!
Old Friend #2: Me either. What do you do now?
Old Friend #1: Workin’ down at the docks.
Old Friend #2: You ever see old so-and-so?
Old Friend #1: Yeah, I used to see him all the time once in a while. –F Train
Urban Youth: Fuck you, you fat fucking fucks! Motherfucking cops. Suck a fucking dick! All society. They show no respect, then they get mad when we don’t show any. Say we’re mad animals. Try to shut the door on purpose when they see me coming. Suck mad cocks! –D Train