Archive for the ‘On the Subway’ Category

Betting on Blacker

A homeless man steals money from a yuppie/African immigrant, who promptly grabs the homeless guy and wrestles him to the floor. Hobo: I ain’t bothering you! I ain’t bothering you!
Passenger #1: I’m betting on the black guy!
Passenger #2: They’re both black!
Passenger #1: I’m betting on the blacker guy! The immigrant throws the homeless man out of the car at the next stop. Passenger #3: Man, he’s tough! Back in his country, they don’t have McDonald’s to go to for dinner! They hunt rhinos over there! –6 Train Overheard by: Todd Seavey

Cat Stories Heard on Trains

Man: …I’m saying, you’ve passed out, and then the cat eats you. So just don’t pass out. –1 Train Overheard by: Dan Dickinson Drunk woman: …so I had the 6 pounds of meat for the meatloaf and I’m stirring. It was for like 15 people–I had the whole family over–and I turn away for one minute. I came back to find my daughter stirring it, but she had poured in Meow Mix cat food. So me and my mother start picking the cat food out (it was the seafood flavored one) but there was too much in it. So I just put it in the oven, and while everyone was eating it I kept singing the Meow Mix song under my breath. My sister-in-law and mother-in-law asked for the recipe afterwards. –LIRR to Penn Station Overheard by: Jax

Why Not a Soup/Sammich Combo?

Urban chick: They eat some fucked up shit. I could be starving but if I’m at her house I won’t eat. I’ll make me a sammich. Bean curd soup! I never heard of no shit like that. Bean curd soup. –D train

The NYC Subway: A Model for Decorum

A woman blocks the entire stairway. The man behind her says: Lady, if ya gotta be fat an’ slow, could ya do it in fronna somebody else? –Union Square station A portly Russian man sits down in between me and an Italian woman this morning. I bite my tongue. She does not: You’re joking, right? You don’t fit! You should just pick yourself up! –D Train

A Real Life Three’s Company Moment

Guy: …so then she tells me she’s a call girl.
Girl: Oh, I did that for a while. Back in high school.
Guy: You were a call girl?
Girl: Yeah, for a little while. It sucked.
Guy: Um…yeah?
Girl: Yeah. Pay was okay, but it just wasn’t worth it. Everybody always yelling at you and hanging up on you.
Guy: Hanging up on you?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Because you were a call girl?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Like a telemarketer?
Girl: Yes!
Guy: Oh. Well, this girl wasn’t…that kind of call girl. –F Train Overheard by: Heather

They Pay Their Rent with the Gold Fillings

Puerto Rican Girl #1: So I saw Jose at his job? And it was kinda cool? Because I’m not afraid of gross and freaky shit.
Puerto Rican Girl #2: Uh huh.
Puerto Rican Girl #1: And you know, they make good money. You just gotta go to school for a couple years or somethin’. And not be afraid of gross and freaky shit. You gotta study–what is it called?
Puerto Rican Girl #2: Morturary science? –A train