Archive for the ‘One-liners’ Category

Wednesday Will One-Liner Anything That Moves

50-something actress: I'm one of the founding sluts.

–Chelsea Studios

Overheard by: Joshy Sweetpants

Guy on cell: That's what I said: I fucked him, but I'm not attracted to him.

–81st & Columbus

Overheard by: Flooey

Adorable seven-year-old kid on bike: She liked it. Ashley liked it. Ashley's a whore.

–Havemeyer & 2nd, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Nathalie & Noah

Girl on cell: Well, I'm in a different place now. Now I'm a slut.

–W 4th & 6th Ave

Teenage girl on cell, beaming, as if she just had a revelation: Oh, I forgot you're a whore! (yelling triumphantly) You're a whore!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Emilia

Like Snowflakes, No Two Wednesday One-Liners Are Identical

Loud chick to male companion: And she sings when she orgasms! Like, "a-a-a-a-aaaah!" and "e-e-e-e-eeeeeee!"

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Man outside Starbucks: Dude! I gave Sharon an orgasm over the phone last night. (laughs)

–Starbucks, 14th St

Overheard by: Elizabel

Subway musician: Y'all better be good 'cause Santa Claus only comes once a year. But that's between him and Mrs. Claus.

–W 4th St Subway Platform

Young man on cell: It looks like a 42-inch orgasm.

–Posman Books, Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: ant

Hot chick to another: You're like the Mother Teresa of orgasms!

–1020 Bar, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chuck Bass

Wednesday One-liners

Girl on cell: I shit you not, it was a small studio apartment converted into a four bedroom on the 6th floor. –47th & 9th Fat suit on cell: How many people play the drums in Poland, really?…What? Wow. Cool. Well, plenty of time to practice I guess. –Penn Station Overheard by: Max T-M MTV chick: When I used to read, I went from the last chapter to the first. –MTV cafeteria Hipster: They’re always on the same train, so the first time you give them money, then remember your face. Every time you get on the train after that, they’ll follow you around. It’s like having your own 6-foot pet! –1 train Overheard by: spike

How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?

50-something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non-stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks.

–Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria

(little girl finishes petting a stranger's dog)
Girl's mother
: Now say "thank you" to its human.


–Central Park Lawn

Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut?

–La Pallette, 12th St

Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy's paws smell really seal it.

–Rosa's Pizza, Penn Station

Overheard by: Craig

Wednesday One-Liners Still Giggle When They Say “Stimulus Package”

Mother to preschool-aged child: That's the New York Stock Exchange. That's where we lose all our money.

–Outside NYSE

Overheard by: Angel

Man to four-shoe-pair-buying wife: It's people like you who confuse the economists.

–Macy's

Toll booth operator to chick in car during rush hour: So, what's your take on the economy these days?

–Verrazano Bridge

Young dudes, watching suits take Queens train at 9 am: Oooh! They got fired.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Only in Brooklyn

The Liquid Assets Of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. There is a problem with a signal and there are trains in front of us. The good news is, there's a bar car!

–Metro North

Overheard by: Anna

Obese lady buying pork chops to obese friend: I be cutting down on on soda.

–Troy Ave & Park Place

Exasperated woman: And he was drinking Jack Daniels before he even got to my place…

–3rd & 6th

Overheard by: j

Female suit on cell: Well, what do you expect? It was green Gatorade and grain alcohol!

–Broadway & 54th St

Overheard by: Loren

Bag lady to another: Listen, Alice, if you don't want to lose your leg, you gotta drink water, they'll take your legs otherwise.

–42nd St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Robin

Frantic woman on cell: Oh my god! There is no soy milk anywhere in this city! (sprints out of Starbucks)

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: ellie

Tough guy outside bar with friends: So I like apple juice. What the fuck?

–East Village

Wednesday, Are You Fucking Kidding Me With These One-Liners?

Fat chick to cute friend's blind date: So, wait, is Jean Garafolo a man or a woman?

–Tribeca

Overheard by: Becka Dash

20-something blonde girl: Is there an English word for "quesadilla"?

–F Train

Checkout lady, pausing with a container of hummus after scanning it: Lots of people buy this stuff…what is it?

–Myrtle St

Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton

Woman entering RadioShack: Excuse me, do you have radios?

–RadioShack, 72nd & Broadway

B9 bus driver to passengers: Make a left here?

–B9 Bus

Overheard by: VeganBeauty