Archive for the ‘One-liners’ Category

Wednesday One-liners Lost Their MetroCard

Hipster guy: Dude, he always blames it on the train dispatcher. He needs to own his problems, you know? –F train Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo

Wednesday One-Litters

Little girl to mother: I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore, when I grow up I wanna be a cat!

–Chelsea

Woman to friend: I mean, he's just so anti-social! He has like 19 cats!

–Lafayette & Prince

Girl to friend: My cat is a flaming homosexual.

–34th & 5th

Girl: And so she says, "let's follow the cat!" So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of heroin!

–Cafeteria, Barnard College

Wednesday One-Liners… The Rest Is Still Unwritten

Kid to another: Stephen king is the best autha, yo. But Danielle Steele is the best girl autha, yo.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Joel

Teen to friend: Santa's a well-read dude, but they won't let him pee.

–5th Ave Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Dude Santa

Ghetto chick: Yeah, maybe mama will actually buy a book…one day.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Guy trying to push "free literature": This book is really important. It was the book that Gandhi followed. Do you know who Gandhi is? He's like the Indian Martin Luther King.

–L Train

Man reading Richard Scarry's What Do People Do All Day?: What? Poets do not write poetry all day! They work shitty jobs in design firms and sell things to assholes from San Diego! (turns page) And writers don't write all day! They pick up laundry for Park Slope bitches!

–Children's Section, Barnes & Noble, Court Street

Overheard by: Amused Bookseller

Wednesday One-Liners. (And by That We Mean Exactly What You Think We Mean.)

Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.

–Village ATM

Overheard by: rafa

Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.

–Wollman Rink, Central Park

Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?

–Hard Rock Cafe

Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely

Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Rachel K

Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.

–Columbia University

Wednesday One-Liners Will Swallow for Diamonds

Mother to five-year-old daughter: That's why she's a very smart woman. She married a very rich man for exactly that reason.

–University Place &10th St

Overheard by: evanescent

Homeless man to little boy with parents: Ask your mama why she marry your daddy. She'll tell you it was for the money.

–Statue of Liberty

Sorority girl to another: So like, do you think Brad makes good investments?

–53rd & 1st

Asian girl on cell: It's like I have a sign that says "trophy wife" written across my forehead, and then they find out I'm 22 and the sign is suddenly in neon.

–Tribeca

Girl on cell: No, you remember, I'm going to be a gold-digger! It's like a hooker, but smarter.

–NYU Classroom

Ew, Who Wednesday One-Linered?

Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.

–Broadway & Houston

Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.

–80th St & 34th Ave

Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.

–83rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: new girl in town

Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?

–7 Train

Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.

–125th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Stephen

Poserday One-Liners

Random hipster: If David Bowie had wheels, how much would you pay to ride on him?

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: haxromana

Scrawny hipster dude to another: All I'm saying is: I want to be in a position where I'm not liking it, and I know he's not liking it either.

–Troutman & Evergreen

Overheard by: Kristen

Hipster: I was much more desperate in Chicago.

–6 Train

Hipster kid: I'm just afraid that my sweatshirt isn't edgy enough.

–SoundFix Records, Brooklyn

Overheard by: chelce

Teenager: He's having a hard time dealing with being a hipster.

–Columbus Circle