Archive for the ‘One Night Stand’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Just Wanted a Nice Meal Out of It

Male 9 to 5-er: And, you know, they’re all dwarves… But I wouldn’t be embarrassed to go out with them. –Federal Plaza Cigarette-voiced JAP: Yeah, he was lame. But I only fake-dated him in, like, eighth grade. –54th & 11th Hipster on cell: If you sleep together afterwards, it’s a date. –Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint Overheard by: Miss Heather Thug: Yo, the rule is, if you take her out to dinner and a movie she has to suck your cock. That’s the rule. –23rd & 8th Overheard by: Liza Girl on cell: Look, Peter, I’m not saying that I hate you. It’s just that you fucking annoy me so much that I’d rather eat my own spleen than go out with you again. –Starbucks, 45th & 6th Overheard by: always turning up my IPOD Girl on cell: No, she didn’t dump him on you. She dumped him and then he got on you. –Union Square Overheard by: Steve O

Wednesday One-Liners Take Occasional Breaks to Eat and Shower

Mini-skirt on cell: Just because I had sex with you doesn't mean I gave you my phone number! –52nd & Lexington Brunette with a booty on her cell: You're going to be a whore this summer. (quick pause) Can you start by coming out here and whoring yourself?! –Penn Station Hot brunette on cell: Ohmigod. How does he do those backflips? He's like 6 feet tall and super built. He probably gets so much ass. Whatever, I would totally be his groupie. –Midtown East Overheard by: damn i'd be his groupie too Bouncer to bouncer: The bible does say "Be fruitful and multiply." It doesn't say "with one person." –West Village Overheard by: Bible Fan Chick: I'm not a whore, but I am not gonna miss out on a chance to fuck that bitch's boyfriend. Plus, she owes me like 30 bucks. –L Train Overheard by: Kelly

Wednesday One-Liners Are Out the Door Before the Condom Comes Off

Building worker on cell: Like her? No, I don’t like her. I have to like every girl that I bone? Terrible? Why is that terrible? –52nd St & 6th Ave Overheard by: blatto Guy on cell: I’m looking for someone to, excuse my language, fuck, not just have sex with. –Manhattan Ave Overheard by: Jason Eurotrash: So then I felt bad because he couldn’t guess who I was and so I gave him a hint. I told him I would meet him at six o’clock at the motel, because you know, that was like our place! –34th St & 5th Ave Guy: You sleep with them once and they expect you to bring your toothbrush and loofa over the next time. –Tad’s Montana Overheard by: Mishen Girl on cell: Remember how I was talking to that guy in London? Well, he’s coming to visit for five days. Yeah, it’s gonna be fun. I’ve decided, after he leaves, I’m not going to talk to him anymore. What’s the point? It’s not even a relationship, it’s a pseudo-relationship. You fight and get mad and what for? I’m not moving to London, he’s not moving to New York. Yeah, so we’ll have fun, and then when he leaves, I just won’t talk to him anymore. How is that shady? –N train, Astoria Overheard by: MissPinkKate Girl: Yeah, I feel like I’m bangin’ the whole world! –Columbus Circle subway exit

Nothing Like Being Double-Teamed by the Classics

Drunk customer: What kind of drunk return policy do you have?
Cashier: It’s a 14-day return policy.
Drunk customer: That’s not much of a drunk policy. Most guys get drunk and wake up next to women they regret the next day. Me? I wake up next to Dostoievsky and Dickens after a bender. I love New York! –Barnes & Noble, Park Slope Overheard by: Random