Archive for the ‘One Night Stand’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Just Do It

20-something on cell: So yeah, I hit a new low. So you know how I had sex with Dan, Steve and Dave? Well, I totally just handled my friend from work who is married and we did it in his daughter's bed. If that doesnt say I'm crazy, I dont know what does? (pause) Are you kidding me? His wife never gives it up, that man busted four times in a matter of minutes.
(pause). Well, that's now four men this week who said I have the best pussy they've had.

–159th & Broadway

Overheard by: morgan

Girl: She was fucking everybody in this city–and no one even liked her!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: bRonwyn

20-something man to girlfriend: You're a grown woman! I can't help it if you're a whore!

–7 Train

Overheard by: becky z-dub

Girl on cell: Wait, so you and Skylar are dating now? Ahh, so exciting! (pause) No, you didn't already tell me. You said that you woke up next to him. Since when does that mean you're dating someone?

–Bedford & 8th

20-something blonde on phone: All those people who laugh and snigger at you only do it because they too have experienced the walk of shame.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Man on phone: I can't be constantly wondering who you're sleeping with! I tell you, I'm tired, I'm old, and I can't do what I'm supposed to do. I'm a good 60, but I ain't good enough to be waking up everyday and chasing you around!

–Coffee shop, Crown Heights

Overheard by: Eric

Hipster on cell: I don't see what's so wrong with going up to someone on the street and saying, "hey, what's up? Let's fuck!" I do it all the time!

–Great Hall, Cooper Union

Overheard by: NYUTSOA12

And Now He’s Got My Vote

Girl #1: So how did you meet him?
Girl #2: He just came up to me on the street and asked me my name… Then he asked me if I wanted to get a drink, so I took him to the bar everyone was at.
Girl #1: Then what happened?
Girl #2: Then we fucked.
Girl #1: What? Just like that?
Girl #2: Yeah, I can hardly remember, but we left the bar, grabbed a cab, went to my dorm and then we fucked.

–CVS, 9th & 58th

The Village Bicycle’s Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: So I asked my doorman if I brought anyone home with me last night and he said he didn’t know! I told him it’s his job to know!

–Outside 145th subway station

Hipster girl: Santa is a man whore!

–45th & 8th

College girl: And then we’re having what I thought was a nice one night stand, and then, he’s all like "what are you doing?"

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: silvver

Indian girl: I need to up my sex number. I either wanna sleep with a professor or a celebrity. (long pause) Wait! Professors are like celebrities!

–72nd and Amsterdam

Overheard by: Vincent

Teen girl to friend: … And then my mom said to me "don’t be a ho."

–Union Square

Overheard by: Lotte

Girl: She is such a fuckin’ slut. (Pause, then indignantly) How you gonna sleep with someone for four dollars?

–Bergen and Smith

I Found the Hole, Looked Inside and Found My Dignity, All Pale and Wrinkled

Coworker #1: Man, last night was a big night. I don’t even remember what happened after two. I woke up next to a half-eaten pizza.
Coworker #2: Yeah, I woke up next to a half-inflated blow-up doll. I had to submerge her in water in the morning to find the hole.

–Bar, LES

Headline by: like an albino shame-raisen

Runners-Up:
· “Between Latex and Pepperoni Lies Inebriation. By Calvin Klein” – Dan
· “He Was a Sharp One.” – C-in-OH
· “Just Like When I Lost My Virginity, Except This Time I Didn’t Kill Her” – Silverfish
· “Pies and Dolls” – Mikkel Hundewadt-Jensen
· “Star Trek Convention: The Morning After” – nicky c.


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