Archive for the ‘One Night Stand’ Category

I Won't Blow Anybody Who Casts a Shadow

Trendy hipster: We went back to his place and I ended up going down on him.
Trendy hipster's friend: What? Not a month ago, I asked you if you two were gonna hook up and you said “No way!” I call slut!
Trendy hipster: He's going back home soon, so I was like, “whatever.” You'd do the same thing, too. You know it.
Trendy hipster's friend: But… I'm a vegan. –Union & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners by Dr. Ruth

Woman to male companion: I told you about that guy I accidentally slept with, right? –Bar at Sushi Samba, 7th Ave Overheard by: David Russo Girl to friend: Because it is more than just, sexual, you know? (pause) Well, actually, it's not, but… –14th b/w 6th & 7th Man to woman: You know Mesopotamian sex? That's me. –Washington Square Park Man walking dog on cell: My number one conquest since coming here was a 21-year-old Native American. –27th & Broadway Girl on cell: Mom, how am I supposed to have sex on a bed that has wheels? –15th St & 8th Ave Overheard by: Steve Hofstetter Guy: So I fucked her on a bench, but I didn't finish, because I kept telling her about my girlfriend and how much I love her. So she got pissed of and took a taxi home to her parents. –5th Ave 40-something man: Just tell that landlord that you don't need no electricity or no cable because you gonna be makin' love all the damn time! –14th St & 1st Ave Overheard by: tracey

Wednesday One-Liners Just Do It

20-something on cell: So yeah, I hit a new low. So you know how I had sex with Dan, Steve and Dave? Well, I totally just handled my friend from work who is married and we did it in his daughter's bed. If that doesnt say I'm crazy, I dont know what does? (pause) Are you kidding me? His wife never gives it up, that man busted four times in a matter of minutes.
(pause). Well, that's now four men this week who said I have the best pussy they've had. –159th & Broadway Overheard by: morgan Girl: She was fucking everybody in this city–and no one even liked her! –Houston & Lafayette Overheard by: bRonwyn 20-something man to girlfriend: You're a grown woman! I can't help it if you're a whore! –7 Train Overheard by: becky z-dub Girl on cell: Wait, so you and Skylar are dating now? Ahh, so exciting! (pause) No, you didn't already tell me. You said that you woke up next to him. Since when does that mean you're dating someone? –Bedford & 8th 20-something blonde on phone: All those people who laugh and snigger at you only do it because they too have experienced the walk of shame. –Christopher & Bleecker Man on phone: I can't be constantly wondering who you're sleeping with! I tell you, I'm tired, I'm old, and I can't do what I'm supposed to do. I'm a good 60, but I ain't good enough to be waking up everyday and chasing you around! –Coffee shop, Crown Heights Overheard by: Eric Hipster on cell: I don't see what's so wrong with going up to someone on the street and saying, "hey, what's up? Let's fuck!" I do it all the time! –Great Hall, Cooper Union Overheard by: NYUTSOA12

And Now He’s Got My Vote

Girl #1: So how did you meet him?
Girl #2: He just came up to me on the street and asked me my name… Then he asked me if I wanted to get a drink, so I took him to the bar everyone was at.
Girl #1: Then what happened?
Girl #2: Then we fucked.
Girl #1: What? Just like that?
Girl #2: Yeah, I can hardly remember, but we left the bar, grabbed a cab, went to my dorm and then we fucked. –CVS, 9th & 58th

I Found the Hole, Looked Inside and Found My Dignity, All Pale and Wrinkled

Coworker #1: Man, last night was a big night. I don’t even remember what happened after two. I woke up next to a half-eaten pizza.
Coworker #2: Yeah, I woke up next to a half-inflated blow-up doll. I had to submerge her in water in the morning to find the hole. –Bar, LES Headline by: like an albino shame-raisen Runners-Up:
· “Between Latex and Pepperoni Lies Inebriation. By Calvin Klein” – Dan
· “He Was a Sharp One.” – C-in-OH
· “Just Like When I Lost My Virginity, Except This Time I Didn’t Kill Her” – Silverfish
· “Pies and Dolls” – Mikkel Hundewadt-Jensen
· “Star Trek Convention: The Morning After” – nicky c.
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