Archive for the ‘One Night Stand’ Category

A Really Horrible Person Wouldn’t Have Used the Condoms

Hipster #1: I can’t believe you went home with that fat NYU chick last night.
Hipster #2: Yeah, I was out-of-my-mind drunk. But I totally vindicated myself immediately after.
Hipster #1: Yeah?
Hipster #2: We must have woken up her hot blond suitemate when she screamed out “Oh my God, fuck me with your giant cock!”
Hipster #1: And how do you know?
Hipster #2: Because afterward, she passed out, and I went out to her living room to have a smoke, and her roommate came out in her PJs to join me for a smoke. Then I banged her on the couch.
Hipster #1: That’s awesome.
Hipster #2: Yeah. The funniest part was, I snuck back into her room when she was passed out and stole some condoms from her drawer.
Hipster #1: You’re a horrible person.
Hipster #2: I know.

–L train

Overheard by: Slappy McGee

Wednesday One-Liners Set the Bar Low and Then Step Over It

Friend: First you suspect he’s a date rapist, and now you’re worried he isn’t going to call? –Union Square Trendy woman: I need to be touched by a man in a loving way…It doesn’t even have to be loving. –Pirates of the Caribbean 2 advance screening, the Ziegfield Overheard by: Nick Draven 20-something girl on cell: I just wanna kiss someone! –M15 bus Girl: I’m going to make out with someone tonight. I’ve already decided. –4th St, between 1st & 2nd Overheard by: Ted Well-dressed guy: You just hate that you can’t get a one-eyed, homeless black guy to think you’re hot. –B train Overheard by: Sugarnuts

It’s Not You, It’s Me (& Wednesday One-liners)

Woman: …and he wanted to break up with me so badly, he was like,
“Here, I’ll buy you an apartment!” –Central Park sailboat pond Overheard by: Sarahvb Teen chick: I wouldn’t want to get married because it takes so long to get a divorce! –Rockefeller Park Russian lady: Ya…my mother was lucky. Not many women divorce lawyers. –6 train Lady: Come on, since my fucking boyfriend is a fucking crack head, we are fucking gonna pick up some guys tonight. –Union Square Overheard by: Julia Wright Girl: I’m getting kind of tired of him. He used to be the kind of guy you could go out with and never have to talk. –6 train Guy on cell: …so I can fuck her, but I can’t marry her. See she’s Orthodox, but not Orthodox enough. –Duane Reade, 51st & 3rd Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper Chick on cell: Honey, your boyfriend isn’t a boyfriend. He’s, like, a boyfriend-substitute…He’s, like, the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter of boyfriends. –Times Square Overheard by: djlindee