Archive for the ‘Only in New York’ Category

The Gates Changed New York Forever

Elderly woman: Excuse me, do you know where 81st Street is? We’re trying to get to the highest point in the park to see The Gates. A NYer points out the way. After she leaves, he says: I’m pretty sure I gave her the wrong directions, but I think she’s high enough. –The Ramble Overheard by: Nathan K. Claus Guy: Man, this will really put New York back on the map. –The Gates Suit: Excuse me, I wanted to ask you about your [big orange] wig. Are you advocating your support for The Gates or are you commenting on how crazy and trivial they are?
Guy: Uh…what wig? –The Gates Overheard by: Greg Rutter Boy: Mom! Was that “art”?
Mother: No, Michael. That was laundry. –Central Park Overheard by: Darko Vraither Old woman #1: Isn’t it lovely?
Old woman #2: Well, I wouldn’t call it art, but I’m certainly glad New York has something to amuse it during the month of February. –MoMA roof Overheard by: Michael Bracy

When We Took Your Wallet and Divided It Up Amongst Us, for Instance.

Drunk guy in full New Year regalia: Well, I'm from fuckin' Pennsylvania and I never seen anything like this! This shit is fantastic! Woo!
Irritated sober woman: Really? No one on this train had any idea you weren't from New York!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

We Also Carry Real New York Beatings

Woman #1: You ever just have one of those days?
Woman #2: Yeah.
Woman #1: I’m having a whole week. I swear to god. And I just walked here from…Oh, forget it.
Woman #2: Oh.
Woman #1: And now I can’t even find my makeup! I swear to god, if they don’t have it, I’m gonna fucking…I don’t know!…I’ll fucking kill a tourist!
Woman #2: Oh, I hope it’s not me!…Ha, ha, ha! 5 minutes later. Woman #2: That’s her! That’s her! That’s the New Yorker who cursed at me and threatened me!
Woman #3: It’s like seeing one in their natural habitat! I can’t wait to tell everyone a real New Yorker threatened you!
Woman #2: I know! It’s awesome! –Sephora, Broadway between 43rd & 44th Overheard by: Non-Bitchy New Yorker

Parts Of Wednesday One-Liners Are Really Quite Nice

Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Erin and Willa

Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!"

–Rivington & Essex

Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes.

–2 Train

Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore!

–5th Ave & 86th

Overheard by: GerMan in NY

Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey!

–New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station

Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay.

–1st & St. Mark's

Wait, Let Me Make Sure the Flash Is On

Female tourist to friend: Oh my god, do we really get to take the subway? Gosh, you have to take a picture of me with the subway! C'mon, take the picture!
Man, overhearing: Oh my god, let's push you down the stairs and see how much you like the subway.

–Rockafeller Center Subway

Overheard by: Kirby

Headline by: Ryan

Runners-Up:
· “A *Real* New Yorker Would’ve Just Pushed Her” – Thaniel

· “Give a Tourist a Pin and She’ll Remember NY for a Week, Push Her Down the Stairs, and She’ll Remember It for the Rest Of Her Life” – Prole
· “How Tourist-Tossing Got Started” – Barry
· “It Would Save Her That Stop at Planned Parenthood” – niqua
· “Throw in a Rape and Mugging and You’ll Get the Full Subway Experience” – Forensic Photographer
· “Why Is It Called “Tourist Season” If We Can´t Kill Them?” – Fresca P.


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