Archive for the ‘Orgasm’ Category

He’s Gonna Get Home Way before She Does

Woman: One more stop, but then we’ll still be really fucking far away from home.
Man: Maybe the bus will come like that [snaps fingers], just like I came this morning [snaps them again].
Woman: Shhh! There are other people on this train, you know!
Man: Oh, it doesn’t matter, no one’s listening. –L train Overheard by: i’m sitting right next to you

Oh Wait a Minute, I Think She's Having a Seizure

Girl: See that lady over there? She's like…orgasming to her iPod.
Guy: (laughs)
Girl: No, seriously. She's so funny to watch. Who the fuck orgasms to a song?
Guy: I'd orgasm to a good song.
Girl: Yeah? What's a good song?
Guy: That one by Nine Inch Nails. Something like “I Wanna Fuck You Like an Animal.”
(little boy observing animals stares, puzzled) –Central Park Zoo

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not the Freshmaker

Bimbette: I don't think I've ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee… –6 Train Overheard by: j Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging. –NJ Transit Chick: You smell like vag and pizza. –Borders Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank. –E Train Overheard by: Nicole College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade! –1 Train Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what's that smell? –E 9th & 3rd Overheard by: Peanut

“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Wednesday One-Liner”

Hobo to female passerby (singing): Pretty woman, walking down the street/Pretty woman, eating a hamburger… –Wendy's, Union Square Overheard by: Hungry Bystander Salesgirl to another: You look pretty today…for a little Filipino girl. –American Eagle, SoHo Overheard by: Holly Loud hobo walking through crowded train: Lots of beautiful ladies on this train. Beautiful white ladies. Beautiful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-looking girl) Do you wear makeup? You shouldn't. You don't need it, you are so beautiful. If you have any makeup, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ugly. –Downtown 4 Train 50-something woman to pretty 20-something girl: I just wanted you to know that our husbands over there think you are one of the most beautiful girls they have ever seen. So now our husbands are going to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be thinking of you during, but thanks to you I am going to have an orgasm tonight, so thank you for being so gorgeous. –Boat Basin Cafe Overheard by: Megan W. Guy on iPhone: You think because you're pretty you can get away with that shit. Well, you're wrong! You can get away with that shit because you're rich! –Duane Reade, Columbus Ave Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

Wednesday One-Liners Smell Like Victory

One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox? –R Train Overheard by: Ferna Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven't been home since the show. Doesn't that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself) –McCarren Park Overheard by: AleKatz Woman on cell: It smells like college! –BrewFest, South Street Seaport Office student: It literally smells like my ass. –CCNY Computer Lab Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties. –Q Train Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn't mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn't smell. It didn't smell like anything. –Union Square Overheard by: who are these people?