Archive for the ‘Orgasm’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Snort When They Laugh

Guy to self: Doctor Jean Grey has the most powerful orgasm of all the X-Men.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Stan

Engineering school chick, screaming: And I was like, ‘Oh my god, this is the worst protractor ever!’

–Columbia University

Skanky hipster chick to another: I would totally do him… But only if I had the ninja outfit on.

–Ludlow St.

[Four NYPD cops are checking people’s bags at rush hour. A man in a suit appears to be their superior.]
Man in suit
: But then he realizes that Jedis don’t seek revenge. [The four cops all nod gravely.]


–W 4th St Subway Station

Overheard by: KL

Fiftyish suit: Chewbacca, the original wingman…

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Ike

Woman on cell: I’m busy. I’ve got things to do. And right now what I’m doing is looking at comic books.

–Forbidden Planet

Overheard by: Josh

Chick: We were always competing to be chief geek… But he had asperger’s, so he won.

–Central Park

He’s Going to Be One Disappointed Dead Guy

Teen boy #1: We’ve had three or four pregnancy scares.
Teen boy #2: What?!
Teen boy #1: Yeah. One time it turned out she just skipped her period… But it just feels so good to finish inside! It feels heavenly. It’s probably what it feels like to meet God.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Taylor

He’s Gonna Get Home Way before She Does

Woman: One more stop, but then we’ll still be really fucking far away from home.
Man: Maybe the bus will come like that [snaps fingers], just like I came this morning [snaps them again].
Woman: Shhh! There are other people on this train, you know!
Man: Oh, it doesn’t matter, no one’s listening.

–L train

Overheard by: i’m sitting right next to you

Wednesday One-Liners Get the Jizzt

Man on cell: So, what have you been up to, besides running a sperm bank?

–Chinatown bus

Yuppie: So he shot some sperm in my mouth, and I ate it.

–3rd Ave

Overheard by: renata

Woman on cell: I know! And the only thing insurance doesn’t cover is the sperm!

–20th & 5th

Overheard by: I want to get on her plan

Queer: He got sweat in my eyes, cum in my nose, and shit on my dick.

–1 train

Man on cell: It looked like he was covered in jizz. Giant jizz. Like giant, Paul Bunyan-jizz.

–5th Ave

NYU chick: So then I realized that I had cum on my breath! And what would he think of that?

–Waverly & Broadway

Freshman: So what if you occasionally jizz in your pants?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Rachel Hoban

The Silence of the Lamb Chop

Teen girl #1: So, I heard that this porn star had, like, lung cancer and had to, like, have part of her lung removed.
Teen girl #2: Damn, that sucks. Is she, like, always out of breath?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, and she, like, can’t talk that much either ’cause she can hardly breathe.
Teen girl #2: But isn’t she a porn star? When she like, you know, has an orgasm, how can she make those loud noises? Her career is so over.
Teen girl #1: Maybe she has a ventriloquist.
Teen girl #2: No way. That’d only work if she was a guy and it was gay porn, ’cause, I mean, who’s ever heard of a girl ventriloquist?


–Deli, 42nd St


Headline by: Emilio Lizardo


Runners-Up:
· “And They Called Her Howdy Pooty” – Sean
· “Charlie McCarthy Does Dallas!” – Mary Beth Hanlon
· “How many ‘likes’ does it take to get to another orgasm?” – Maggie Mae
· “I never knew smoking pole could cause lung cancer” – Matt T
· “If Helen Keller did porn” – Em
· “She’s Not Bad, But I Can See Her Lips Moving” – Dan
· “That’s not all she’s faking” – CoolPapaZ
· “Those screeching sounds come from her other set of lips” – Nick. D.
· “You know what else turns me on? Leprosy” – Steve




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Go Down

Suit: I’d leave my wife for her if her clit didn’t taste like a spicy tuna roll. –Chambers & Broadway Girl on cell: I don’t care how many fingers you put in her. Bottom line is, she didn’t blow you. So I win. –Times Square Overheard by: shap Utilitarian guy: A blow job is better than no job. –Sex Work Conference, The New School Overheard by: wendy Girl: $50 for a 2-minute bj? I’d do it. It takes me 8 hours to make $50. Shit. –Queens bound F train Overheard by: Marisa Dude: So, did she orgasm in your mouth? –219 2nd Ave Overheard by: Trey Givens Hipster: I’m thinking of getting that little string thing attached to my tongue cut off so I can eat pussy better. –Chinatown bus Queer #1 to queer #2: Well if I’m not giving you head and you’re not giving me head then we’ve got a problem. –Wachovia, 17th & 7th Overheard by: Joanna