Thuggette to two friends: So we, like, had a threesome, just without the sex.
–Kingsborough Community College
Hipster boy holding Christmas wreath: Well, no, I wasn't part of the threesome.
–Pearl St & John St
Overheard by: Matthew
Blonde 30-something: I love threesomes. That's when you go shopping with two friends, right? Right?
–77th & Lexington
Overheard by: iwantinonthat
Suit on cell: Were you invited to the gangbang? I wasn't invited! She always invites me to the gangbang! Fucking whore!
–86th & Park Ave
Overheard by: i wasn't invited either!
Conductor: Man, I am telling you, those two girls were just not ready, ready for me.
–A Train
Hobo: I would like money to buy beer so I can get drunk, and take home two women so they can molest me.
–M&M Store
Archive for the ‘Orgy’ Category
At Least During Snowbird Mating Season
Young woman: San Francisco is so boring.
Young man: Why is that?
Young woman: Because when I lived there, I never went to any orgies.
Young man: Really?
Young woman: Yeah…when I lived in Miami, I went to orgies every week.
–Houston & Lafayette
Which Is Why Your Nickname Is “Puck”
Gay guy with lisp: I heard Mark, you know, the fat kid? I heard he slept with the hockey team.
Blonde girl: Funny thing is…we don't have sports teams at Marymount.
Gay guy with lisp: Oh my god! Are you cereal? I was lied to? The queen of gossip is never lied to. Ugh!
Blonde: Don't talk to me… You just said “cereal” in place of “serious.”
Gay guy with lisp: Whatever, I'll tell everyone it was you that slept with the hockey team.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Have I Told This One Before?
Old drunk hobo to friends: Let me tell you guys a story. Back when I was breaking in to fucking cars this broad comes at me and takes me to this commune. Gotta be at least 50 hippies, everyone's fucking everyone, always blazed, I'm fucking everything that moves because I'm 18 and my dick is hard all the time, and all the women are walking around all fucking…
All friends together: Naked!
–4th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: rpk
The More the Merrier, Wednesday One-Liners!
Elderly woman sipping wine: Three girls and one guy? Sounds like a good time!
–Queens
Overheard by: amused cashier
Dude on cell: Hey bro, whatcha doing? Oh, yeah? What about your friend, does he like doing that? Does he like it a lot? Do you think I can come over? Well, then we can all do that together, a lot. (sees people looking at him) I'll talk to you later, bro.
–Church St Post Office
Overheard by: deshaunicus
Serious girl: And then they asked for a three-way, but a tasteful one.
–15th St & 5th Ave
Middle aged woman to friend: I just got this bike seat but I have to return it. I was riding around on it yesterday and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been gang-banged by the Pittsburgh Steelers.
–Bike Shop, 12th St & Ave B
20-something chick: I am *so* over threesomes. There's just too much going on!
–Weight Room, Coles Gym
Overheard by: M.F.
White chick in sundress: I'm too naive for their kind of orgies.
–Dallas BBQ, 165th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk guy at bar: I have to pee, but first I have one word for you: threesome.
–Crocodile Lounge
Hey, Wednesday One-Liners Can Dream, Can’t They?
Old man: Hah! I fell asleep at her funeral!
–3rd Ave, b/w 10th & 11th
Overheard by: j
Man to woman: Hey you! You were in my dream last night. You, myself and a bunch of people in the office were having an orgy on a mattress right in front of our office. At first it was great, but then it became awkward because people kept walking into the office and we got in their way.
–34th St & 6th Ave
Man with French accent on cell: Do we have room for her, or will she have to sleep in the dungeon?
–32nd & Broadway
Overheard by: LC
(guy is woken up by a friend after falling asleep on the train)
Guy: You dude, why you wake me up! I was having the best dream. There was shorties everywhere. There was shorties in trees and shit!
–2 Train
Conductor: For all of you running late, we are being delayed by another train with the emergency break on. Or you could tell ‘em you just slept in today.
–D Train
Overheard by: blistexaddict
Wednesday One-Liners Hope You’re Not a Cop
Man on cell: After I dropped Benny off at school I stopped by that harem.
–5th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Nerd
Old bald guy looking at Asian call girl section in newspaper, on cell, speaking very slowly and very loudly: Do… You… Take… Veee-saaaah. Veee-saaaah. Veeee-saaaaah! Yes! Visa! No? Okay, thanks. [Same exact dialogue takes place three more times.] Bingo!
–Milford Hotel
Overheard by: not an asian call girl
Guy: I’m a good Jewish son -I got 90% off on a hooker!
–Central Park
Guy on cell: Man, I love hookers. My friend just told me about Craig’s list. Shit, there’s like 5,000 hookers on Craig’s list. I love that shit.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: who knew?
Guido in leather jacket, to suit: So did anything ever happen with the whore?
–39th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Asian girl to friend: As long as I’m slutting myself out, I might as well get paid for it!
–22nd & 9th
Overheard by: Kate
Wednesday Pick-Up-Liners
Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you.
–M116 Bus
Overheard by: I hate the bus
Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty!
–Allen & East Houston
Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free.
–33rd & Broadway
Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all.
–Times Square
Overheard by: yearbookie
Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you.
–South Williamsburg
Overheard by: DanielXY
Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees.
–Central Park
Wednesday One-Liners Make “Unsafe Requests”
Homeless man: Eliot Spitzer for President!… Make the White House the whorehouse!
–Battery Park
NYU guy: So my friend who works for Eliot Spitzer called me the other day and asked me to ask his roommate to delete all his emails. He didn’t say why, but then about two hours later I found out about the whole prostitute thing… And now I’m a little worried.
–NYU Bus
AmNY newspaper guy, handing out papers with Eliot Spitzer’s picture on the front page: $80,000 for a ho, and we can’t get a raise!
–Outside 33rd St Station, 33rd & Park
Crazy guy, speeding on a bicycle through a crowd: Don’t even think about it people! I gotta make a party at Spitzer’s in ten minutes!
–43rd & Lexington
Overheard by: Dan J
Old lady: Why, if I were young like you, I could be a call-girl to scum-of-the-earth Spitzer!
–Laundromat, 34th St, Long Island City
Not Wishing to Offend the Bride’s Parents
Woman from #1 couple: Well after the wedding, they had an orgy. We were invited but chose not to attend.
Man from #2 couple: Well, had we been invited, we absolutely would have attended.
–2 Train