Archive for the ‘Orgy’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Hope You’re Not a Cop

Man on cell: After I dropped Benny off at school I stopped by that harem. –5th Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Nerd Old bald guy looking at Asian call girl section in newspaper, on cell, speaking very slowly and very loudly: Do… You… Take… Veee-saaaah. Veee-saaaah. Veeee-saaaaah! Yes! Visa! No? Okay, thanks. [Same exact dialogue takes place three more times.] Bingo! –Milford Hotel Overheard by: not an asian call girl Guy: I’m a good Jewish son -I got 90% off on a hooker! –Central Park Guy on cell: Man, I love hookers. My friend just told me about Craig’s list. Shit, there’s like 5,000 hookers on Craig’s list. I love that shit. –Fordham University Overheard by: who knew? Guido in leather jacket, to suit: So did anything ever happen with the whore? –39th & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle Asian girl to friend: As long as I’m slutting myself out, I might as well get paid for it! –22nd & 9th Overheard by: Kate

Threeway One-Liners

Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won't let me leave. –Astoria, Queens Overheard by: Inkling 35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys. –R Train Overheard by: Abby and Holly 20-something college boy: I mean, there's no "I" in "threesome." –Union Square Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven't decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet. –Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I've ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked. –48th St & Broadway Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay. –L Train Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch. –NYC Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend! –8th St & 5th Ave Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work! –Victorian Flatbush Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that? –NYU

Cue Neil Diamond

Cute but innocent 20-something: Guess where I'm going tonight?
Older female coworker: Oh, is tonight the night you're going out with the hockey team?
Cute but innocent 20-something: Yeah, I won a contest! I'm going to Pittsburgh on a bus with the Islanders.
Male coworker: And when you come back, you'll be a woman. –Starbucks Overheard by: Big Larry

…That I Have to Go Get a Mean Bone in My Body

Girl #1: So he sent me a message on MySpace that said: “Hey, a few friends and I have a place at the beach, you should bring some of your friends down so we can get you drunk and take advantage of you.” But he said it in such a nice way, you know…
Girls #2: Yeah, I don't think there's like a mean bone in his body, so he can say stuff like that, and it's totally funny.
Girl #3: I wish my boyfriend was that cool, he gets mad at me because every time we have a fight I go out and get drunk with my friends. He thinks I'm going to get completely wasted and sleep with some random guy or something. It's so annoying. –Penn Station Overheard by: Duran

Wednesday Doesn't Know a Single One-Liner Here Tonight

Girl to friend: This party is going to be awesome! Wait. We have to stop somewhere on the way…I gotta pee before I put out tonight. –Montrose & Graham Dude: Do you even know what an Animal Collective Listening Party means in the rest of the country? –Animal Collective Album Listening Party, River Room, Harlem Overheard by: care bear stare Girl: I think it's okay if she parties, as long as it's with a bunch of Christians. –West 4th b/w 6th & MacDougal Girl to friend: There's this party in the East Village. It's called "Spit." I'll tell you next time I go. It's on Fridays. But my gawd, these guys are cokeheads. I ended up with ten of them in my apartment last week. –8th & 18th Overheard by: Sebastian White Chick on cell: Do parties *count* if there's nothing but necking and spanking and nipple-tweaking? –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Guy: I know I'm gay, but the best part of my Bar Mitzvah was meeting the party planner. –Barns & Noble, 8th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Rijita