Archive for the ‘Panhandling’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Would Like to Thank the Academy

Sassy eight-year-old to mother: You don't know Spanish except what you learned from Selena. –2 Train Chick on cell: Watching 27 Dresses in a cheetah robe… –110th & Broadway Overheard by: Virginia Little boy, as his mother asks for directions: Great, we're lost in New York City. It's like Home Alone! –Across from Spamalot Theatre Fag to hag: Don't you remember that time on Titanic when Leonardo DiCaprio told you not to just talk about it, but do it? He was gonna teach you how to spit like a man and ride a horse like a man, and then the ship sank and he died. This is your moment. Spit, woman, spit! –Natural History Museum (at a screening of The Shining)
Woman: Haha! How can a ghost open a door? This movie sucks! –Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park Thug to another: And she said she wanna go to the movies. And I said I don't wanna go to the movies, I want some pussy! –57th & 9th Overheard by: JPM Panhandler on train: Please, I can't afford the rent at the YMCA because they just raised it. So if anyone has some money or some food or something to drink, it would really help me out. Jesus loves people who help poor people. Also, don't forget to see the new summer blockbuster Hellboy II. It's really great. –F Train Overheard by: JB

What Good Is Money If It Can’t Insulate Me from Other People?

Hobo: I have not eaten anything in three days and it’s freezing out. Could you find it in your heart to help me out?
Chick: I won’t give you money, but I will go into that deli and buy you dinner.
Hobo: Thank you so much. But I’m Jewish and if you don’t mind, I would really like a kosher sandwich from Mendy’s.
Chick: Oh, forget it — here’s five bucks! –34th & Park

Do They Make a Glade Plug-In for Wednesday One-Liners?

Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here! –Grand Central Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now. –44th St & Broadway Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?" –59th St & Lexington Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that? –Brooklyn College Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated. –Downtown A Train Overheard by: christopher james Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis? –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy. –F Train

Wednesday One-Liner: The World's Oldest Profession

Older, dirty-looking hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hooker and some malt liquor. –Ave A & 4th St 20-something girl: Seriously! There is nothing better after a stressful day than stealing a car, picking up a hooker, taking her to the beach, fucking her, killing her, getting your money back and not getting arrested. Nothing! –Underhill & St. Mark's, Brooklyn Overheard by: Claire H. Young woman to boss: If you don't give me more hours, I'mma have to start sellin' my pussy! –Chelsea Overheard by: Holly Subway musician in drag the night before Valentine's Day: Be with the one you love! If you don't have anyone, then hire somebody! And keep your receipt! –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Morning Glory Musician on train platform: Everything gonna be alright! Get home safe, New York. Remember: if you see something, say something, don't keep it to yourself. And remember, New York, if you can't be with the one you love, pay someone! Keep all the receipts. I know what I'm talking about. –B Train Overheard by: Free Love

The Speed of Information Through Fat Is Drastically Reduced

Hobo, carrying huge duffel bag: I need money to get to Boston to visit my son. Can anyone give me money?
Lady: Here’s 20 dollars for your ticket. Also, do you think you could run upstairs and get me a Snapple?
Hobo: Sure, lady. Thanks so much. Hobo ditches duffel bag. Lady, 20 minutes later: Well, I guess he’s not coming back! –Port Authority Overheard by: cynic