Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy.
–A Train
Overheard by: SBroto
Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches.
–Shuttle to Grand Central
Overheard by: alan b hutscar
Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca
Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it?
–Central Park
Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down!
–4th & Broadway
Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man)
–1 Train
Archive for the ‘Panhandling’ Category
I Prefer to Think Of What I Do As Panhandling Express
Black guy wearing North Face: Listen up, people! I'ma need some money to buy a coat, cuz it's freezin out there! This coat that I'm wearin' ain't mine, it's my friend's. So I'ma need some money to buy a coat…yo, what stop is this?
Asian kid: Times Square.
Black guy: Okay…if you want to donate, you can't. Cause I gotta go, man.
–1 Train
Human Rights Come First, Pal
PETA representative: Excuse me, ma'am, do you have a minute for animal rights?
NYU JAP: I'm wearing leather boots. Do I look like I give a shit about animal rights?
Panhandler: (applauds)
NYU JAP: (gives panhandler a quarter)
–8th & University
Overheard by: byron
Blow It Out Your Wednesday One-Liner
Well-dressed British man on cell, as he walks oddly: Listen girl, I farted so hard yesterday I blasted half my ass off. (pause) No, seriously! I am still walking funny!
–24th St b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Joseph
Teenage boy to another: One time this hot bitch farted on my lap, and I didn't know what to do.
–12th St & University Place
Crazy hobo sitting on blanket: I used to wear underwear, but then I farted and left a stain, so decided no more. Can anyone spare any change?
–87th & Broadway
Overheard by: Nynanny
Girl from Louisiana: What can I say? I'm a Southern girl. I fart crawfish.
–McLean Ave, Yonkers
Woman on phone: Well, the romance is out of my life: this morning Greg came in my mouth, then straight away leaned back and farted.
–Beard St & Van Brunt St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: craig hunter
But You Can Make a Bong Out Of It, Sir.
Hobo, yelling on the train: Oh, god, I know I've made a lot of mistakes. This is all my fault, but if you could just give me something to eat for lunch, or a nickel, anything!
(girl offers him an orange from her bag)
Hobo: No, that ain't food. Thanks anyway.
–Downtown R Train
Overheard by: Kinda have to agree
And No One Got the “Norwegian” Joke
20-something guy, holding long wooden board: Hey, can you spare some change for me and my wood to get a hooker?
Blonde party girl passing by, rubbing wood in sexual way: Oh, I like your wood…
20-something guy: Oh, thank you. (to girl sitting next to him) You'd think someone would give me money just for making them laugh, but no.
–St. Mark's b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: TR
Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Wednesday One-Liner
Chick on cell: Are you sure this is a sex trip and not a "meet-my-parents" trip?
–14th St
Overheard by: Argopelter
Laughing woman on cell: I'm going to be so busy when I get back! My week of relaxation is just going to be ruined by a hurricane.
–Starbucks, Park Ave South & 29th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy to three hot girls carrying luggage: Oh, hello, ladies. I also travel! What a coincidence! (girls walk away laughing) You can run! I will find you! It's only a matter of time!
–Financial District
Black woman on phone: Ya, man, I just got back from Miami. Shit, I'm still jet lagged!
–Wendy's, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: oh really?
Blonde girl on plane to another: I figured out on this trip that if you pack your lightest clothes on the bottom of your suitcase it will weigh less! Coming in, my suitcase weighed 54 pounds, and going home it only weighed 46! (second blonde nods knowingly)
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Meagan O.
Hobo: Hey girls, could you spare some change? Please? It's for my Hawaii fund! I'm gonna wear a bikini and dance the hula. And fuck it, I'm freezing my butt off!
–University Place & 10th St
Overheard by: queenofscots
Do They Make a Glade Plug-In for Wednesday One-Liners?
Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here!
–Grand Central
Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now.
–44th St & Broadway
Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?"
–59th St & Lexington
Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that?
–Brooklyn College
Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: christopher james
Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy.
–F Train
Are You Talking About the Fart?
Man collecting change for homeless New Yorkers: Hey folks, you know we can't do it without you, and blah blah blah and yadda yadda yadda.
Passerby: (giggles)
Man collecting change: Oh, you heard that?
–Union Square
He Ended Up Buying Dinner with It.
Hobo: Hey! Spare some change for an old hippie to buy some pot!
Old lady, dropping in some change: At least someone is honest these days…
–Cental Park
Overheard by: JRay