Archive for the ‘Paranoia’ Category

At Least It’s Not One of Those Bowls with Decorative Balls in It

Guy #1: My relationship isn’t working out.
Guy #2: What’s wrong, dude?
Guy #1: Well, I woke up today and realized there was a vase sitting on the mantle.
Guy #2: What the hell does that have to do with it?
Guy #1: It has no purpose! It just sits there!
Guy #2: Um… I think that’s what vases usually do.
Guy #1: Exactly! That’s why I didn’t have any. They don’t do anything. They’re useless. There’s absolutely no reason to have one, and now all of a sudden, I do. [Desperately] What has happened to me?!

–Downtown bus stop

Is ‘Oxycodone’ with an ‘I’ or a ‘Y’?

Lady suit: I can’t keep coming here to get my prescription filled. They’re beginning to recognize me.
Suit: So what?
Lady suit: So, what if I get in trouble?
Suit: Why would you get in trouble? You have a prescription from a doctor.
Lady suit: If you say so. Oh, shit, I forgot to put the date on this.

–Duane Reade, 89th & Columbus

Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

Six Wednesday One-Liners Under

Girl on phone: Did he actually try to kill you, or is this like the time at the supermarket when you thought the cashier was coming onto you because he touched your hand giving you change?

–Time Square

HR person: I don't want to whack her until I have to. But I probably will.

–Broadway

Little boy to mom: Mommy, what does it feel like to die?

–7th & Carroll, Park Slope

Well-dressed man on cell: I know, we need to make sure that none of them live.

–8th St & Broadway

Seven-year-old girl to mom, after being scolded: I'm going to kill you.

–4 Train

Long Island woman: Well, sure, it's a great place if you want to be raped and murdered every day.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Cori