Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Prove That Nowhere Is Safe from Our Spies

Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop!

–Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station

Overheard by: Betsy

[Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]
Girl
: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark!


–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor!

–Sheraton Hotel

Overheard by: Morgan

Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh!

–SVA Animation Department

Overheard by: Laughing

Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts?

–Kimmel Center, NYU

Overheard by: JO in Bobst

Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family.

–AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square

Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall

[Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]
Co-worker, yelling
: "I’m sorry, I had milk!"


–Office bathroom, 31st Street

He'll Feel Superior for About a Minute, Before He Realizes He's in Brooklyn

Train conductor: This is Atlantic Avenue. If you don't want to be left in the city get off now, if you are going to the city, buckle up… wooo hoooo!
Ghetto woman: This nigga lost his mind.
Ghetto child: Just like daddy?
Suit: Fucking morons! (walks off train)

–Q Train

Overheard by: Got Off On Atlantic

It's Like the MySpace of Birds

Truly urban son: Look, mom, an eagle!
Mom: No, Gabe, it's just a pigeon.

–The Bronx

Overheard by: Natasha

Headline by: Brian

Runners-Up:
· “But It’s a Bronx Pigeon, So It Acts Like an Eagle” – PeterG
· “Kudos to the Science Teachers at P.S. 51″ – Los
· “The Cash-Strapped Bronx Zoo Wasn’t Fooling Anyone” – Coyoty
· “The True Symbol Of America” – BabakganoosH
· “This Is the Bronx, Let Him Dream…” – Lacey


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

To Be Fair, the Elderly Man Wasn't Wearing Pants Either

Five-year-old girl pissing behind tree to mother trying to talk to elderly man with dog: Look mommy! Look! I'm making a pee-pee behind the tree.
Mother: Yes, sweetie, that's very nice. (returns to conversation with man)
Girl: Mommy! I'm still peeing! I'm still peeing!
Mother: Uh-huh. Well, pull your pants up when you're done.
Girl: Mommy, there's a squirrel! Hi, squirrel!
Old man: Careful! They have rabies and they'll eat you!
Girl, running towards mother with no pants: Aaaaaah!

–Riverside Park