Ghettomama: My son’s favorite color used to be red, because his father is a Blood, but I’ve gotten him out of that. Now it’s blue, and his father is going nuts. –30th & 5th 8-year-old boy: But why does your mom want to get so many tattoos? –94th between Broadway & Amsterdam
Daughter: I feel bad for you, but not that bad.
Mother: You're a little bitch, honey.
Daughter: You just called me a bitch!
Mother: But I said “honey” afterward.
Tourist mom to son: Hold on tight to the pole.
Tourist dad: Hey Stephen*, when I met your mom she was on a pole.
Tourist mom: Stop that!
–Uptown R train
Overheard by: burst out laughing
Thug #1: I heard he’s in some shit. Married, two kids, child support,
a wife, girl on the side, and she just found out about his boyfriend.
Thug #2: Yeah, that’s some shit. –15th & 3rd Overheard by: Garrett Ricciardi
Mother: What do you mean by “she's obsessed with him”?
Five-year-old daughter: Cause she's all like…up his butt!
Overheard by: Green Star
Guy: So then why are guys from the Eastern Europe and black guys so good at basketball?
Dad: Natural selection.
Dad: They’ve had to fight to survive. It weeds out the physically inadequate.
Guy: Give me a break. It’s the ghetto, not some Hobbesian state of nature; they’re not cavemen living in anarchy up there. –Madison Square Garden
Mom: Are you talking to yourself?
Mom: As long as you don’t answer yourself.
Mom: Because then you’re crazy.
Overheard by: Hannah
Mom: How much is it?
Chick: A hundred and fifty bucks.
Mom: Let me pay.
Chick: Mom! No! Don’t give me any goddamn money!
Mom: Here, just take it, dammit!
Chick: Fine, but I’m paying for the taxi home.
Mom: I can’t believe Michael puts up with you. You are so divorced in
five years. –The Gap, 18th & 5th
Mom: I'm not made of money, you know!
Kid: You look like you are.
Mom: Well, I'm not.
Overheard by: she didn't look like she was…
Guy: I don't think bees even have vaginas.
–23rd & 3rd
Suit to another: I want him scrutinized. At a gnat's ass level!
Middle school thug: I been radioactivatin' spiders in my kitchen.
Overheard by: Emily B.
Mother to five-year-old boy: No, you can't buy grandma a plastic spider for Christmas!
–74th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane's Husband
Guy on cell: Hey, did I tell you I got drunk last night and ordered 1,500 ladybugs off the internet?
Overheard by: Ashley