Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category

Freud: I Don’t Know Where to Start!

Woman: Once my mom let me go to school, when I was eight, in a training bra and a see-through baby blue crocheted hand-knit sweater that my grandma made.
Man: What the fuck?
Woman: Yeah. I got made fun of something fierce. That’s when I realized my mom’s a crazy bitch.
Man: Heh.
Woman: But you know what? I fucking love her. I love that crazy-ass bitch.

–7 train, Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Ryan

Obviously Reformed

A Gentile Yuppie: I once dated a Rabbi’s daughter, in the Hamptons. I went to a family barbeque, and he asked me, ‘Do you want cheese on your hamburger?’ and I thought, ‘Ah–this is a moment of truth–one of those key moments in a relationship, where the family will judge me–what should I say?’ and I said, ‘Yes, I would’–and then the Rabbi responded, ‘Great! Then Cheese for Everybody!’” – Bar Tabac, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn

If You Love Wednesday So Much, Why Don’t You One-Liner It?

Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!

–Newark Flight

DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!

–Hammerstein Ballroom

Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.

–A Train

Overheard by: Sam

Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!

–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: McFreaky

Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.

–6 Train

Overheard by: oya