Archive for the ‘Parks’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners. (And by That We Mean Exactly What You Think We Mean.)

Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.

–Village ATM

Overheard by: rafa

Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.

–Wollman Rink, Central Park

Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?

–Hard Rock Cafe

Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely

Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Rachel K

Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.

–Columbia University

By September, He’ll Be Ready to Get Back Up on the Horse

Dude #1: This hot weather has been rough on my skin, man.
Dude #2: Hey, uh. Hey, man. I know what you can do for that. You can mix lemon juice with some vinegar and make yourself an astringent.
Dude #1: Oh, word? Have you tried this yourself?
Dude #2: Yeah, man. The lemon juice and the vinegar, they combine to cleanse your pores. I’m telling you, man.
Dude #1: How do you know all this? You just sit here on this park bench every day.
Dude #2: Naw, man, just during the summer. I work in the schools.
Dude #1: You an educator?
Dude #2: A what?
Dude #1: An ED-U-CA-TOR! A teacher.
Dude #2: Yeah. Yeah, that’s right. I’m an educator.
Dude #1: Whatchu been drinking, man?
Dude #2: Vodka.
Dude #1: Yeah, I can smell it.

–Christopher Park, 74th St

Overheard by: Carol – Pretending to read my book

Wednesday Puts on Its One-Liners One Leg at a Time

Ghetto dude on phone: Do you know what I could do with that money? I could get a new pair of pants… or maybe get my hair done.

–Broadway & 86th St

Girl to another: I had this teacher in high school who wore the tightest pants. Camel toe all the time.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Giancarlo

Annoying sober 20-something, returning from bathroom: God! I'm so sweaty, it made it really hard to pull my pants down.

–Diner, 3rd Ave

Teenage girl to another: He came here to do a concert. He probably doesn't want to hear you scream, "Take your pants off!"

–Battery Park

What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Julium

Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color.

–Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!

–Union Square

Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: molly

Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue.

–Hill Country BBQ

Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.