Conductor: I know you all are in a hurry, and you are all very important, but we need to close the train doors or we ain't goin' nowhere.
Woman: I can't get in! Move in, people!
Conductor: Giiiiirl, let me tell you right now, no way in hell you're gonna fit. Step off and back it up, sistah. The train's moving.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Kris
Archive for the ‘Passengers’ Category
…Menswear
Lady on platform: Is there any way to squeeze further?
Man on train: Yeah, second floor.
–L Train
Overheard by: Douglas Allen
The Good News Is That I Win Every Race I Enter.
Woman #1: Naw, he got a cabbage head like his father.
Woman #2: Like you, too?
Woman #1: Nuh-uhn. I got a turtle head.
–F Train
Overheard by: Doug Brandt
If You're Very Good, a Straight Man
Woman moving through train: Not a gentleman.
Man: When you start acting like a lady, I'll start acting like a man.
–L Train
Overheard by: jau522
Mocking Nerds: The Universal Language.
Engineer on PA: Check the back door, check the back door, we've got a red light.
Conductor, in very geeky voice: Okay… Okay, everybody. Whoever you are. Who… Uh… Uh… Manually tries to… Uh… Open the train doors… Uh… You'll… You'll… You'll be locked up… I'm tellin' ya…! You'll be locked up!
(entire train howls with laughter)
–Train Arriving at Penn Station
Overheard by: Margaret
The Closest M.J. Would Ever Come to Saying “I'm Gay”
Bus driver, upon seeing a rainbow: Out the right side there is a beautiful rainbow.
Man in the back of the bus: Michael Jackson did that! He probably starting singing “over the rainbow” and God made one appear!
–Berry & N 7th
Overheard by: Bean
Fun Game: Drink Every Time They Say “Fuck”.
Suit on train to giant loud Hawaiian guy on cell: Hey, would you keep it down?
Loud Hawaiian giant: Fuck you, you're prejudiced! I wasn't loud.
Suit: You woke me up! And what's this prejudiced thing, are you Jewish?
Hawaiian giant: Fuck you ! I ain't goin' to jail! Fuck jail!
–NJT Train into Penn Station
Like We'd Name a Street For That Guy
Woman on cell inside bus: Yeah, I'm in Kissinger Boulevard.
Bus driver: It's Kissena, hon.
Woman: I ain't talkin to you! (pause) Anyway, sorry… Kissinger. Yeah.
–Q25 Bus, Flushing
How Bristol Palin Meets All Her Suitors
Guy on cell: Just because I slept with your mother doesn't mean you could call me daddy!
Girl on train: You could be my baby's daddy if you want!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Richard B.
Wednesday One-Liners Sharpen Their Elbows
Tourist to boyfriend: Why are there so many humans here?
–Times Square
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this n train is very crowded. There is a w train one minute behind this one with air conditioning, legroom, and color tv.
–N Train
Overheard by: Thinking about switching
Guy: Y'all can't crowd up here! I don't want to name any names, but there's a baby back there that just got stepped on.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Samantha Chastain
Girl walking up stairs, suddenly turning around: Oh, nuh-uh! Get your forehead out of my ass!
–F Train