Archive for the ‘Pee’ Category

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liner

Slightly thugged-out guy, rapping to little white poodle: Li'l coco! You's a muthafuckin' beast, yo! Li'l coco! Yeah!

–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: John Bender

Guy to dog: Lady, it's just me! There's only me!

–77th St, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Big burly guy to tiny yorkie, as it sniffs tree and walks away: Well, thanks for that false alarm.

–43rd St & 10th Ave

Upper West Side lady to little pampered dog with sweater: It's okay, baby, you can talk.

–80th Ave & Columbus

Hipster dog walker, whispering to herd of dachsunds: Mushhhhh…

–Central Park

Hold Up– You Guys Went to a Billy Joel Concert?

Drunk guy: I summon all the single ladies to my personal sleeping quarters. Somebody come up here and kiss me! I'm an outstanding kisser and an excellent swing dancer! Girls, boys, hermaphrodites, I don't care!
Drunk guy's friend: If you think this is bad, you should've seen him at the Billy Joel concert… He peed on my foot.
Drunk guy: Only because you were wearing sandals!

–Citi Field Stadium

Smug, Superior Wednesday One-Liners

NYU girl: I love authentic ethnic food, but not authentic ethnic service. Could you please Americanize your demeanor when you hand me a plate? I like service with a smile.

–Washington Square Park

Emo girl to friend, laughing hysterically, with a huge smile on his face: Stop! You've used up two of my three allotted daily smiles.

–R Train

College boy: We should put them on our penises. So it looks like a smiley face every time we pee.

–Williamsburg

Math teacher, seeing smiley face on board: Is that a penis?

–Hunter College High School

Wednesday One-Liners Pee a Lot

Dramatically upset woman outside bathroom: I knew I had to pee before, but I chose not to! And now I'm facing the consequences!

–La Lanterna, The Village

Overheard by: Sunny

Woman holding child: Does looking at the fountain make you have to pee? It makes mommy have to pee. It's only natural.

–Bryant Park

Guy to friend: No, seriously, I think I legit peed on that guy!

–30th St & 9th Ave

Guy on cell: No, I will not urinate with you!

–The Met

Woman in turtleneck to suit: I mean, people shouldn't only eat when they're hungry. (pause) Or go to the bathroom when they have to… only. That's like, bad for your bladder!

–86th St & 5th Ave

Woman on cell: I don't care about them. I don't care about their urine. I don't care about their office!

–Court & Carroll, Brooklyn

On the Plus Side, You'll Probably Blend Right in with the Cab.

Girl #1: Oh my god, I can't wait to get home and take a shower… I feel so disgusting right now!
Girl #2: You feel disgusting!? I'm not even wearing panties right now, because I fucked some random guy in the bathroom at the bar last night, and my panties fell in a puddle of piss. I definitely need a shower!

–LGA Airport Taxi Line

Overheard by: Joe